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Posts Tagged ‘skype’

Starting to date again after falling in love with someone and then breaking up, well it just sucks. I am trying to get out there, trying to meet people, flirt, find some inkling of excitement in the prospect of new people and experiences, at a time when all I want some nights is to curl up into the warm soft space of Type Geek’s shoulder or chest or belly and find myself falling asleep. Big dramatic sigh.

Now, I went out with the Daddy WireFramer whose self-esteem issues had me completely turned off, I had sex with my Internet Skype guy, and I have been chatting with a few others on-line. It’s an interesting array of men, but all have a similar thread, appreciation for food. There is the Pac NW/NYC Foodie, the Real Estate Foodie, the Media Tech Getaway guy, and the Doggie Dad who just seems sweet. He’s older than I usually go, but I’m not expecting to fall in love here, I am trying to give my heart some room so that it can heal itself. This includes distracting myself in moments when I am finding myself reminiscing woefully. Last night I did this by playing a game with two different men, the foodies. The game was a little… Would you…Either/Or?  

The men would ask me 2 questions and I would need to answer 1, then I would ask 2 questions and they would answer 1. The questions ran from mild to naughty, from topical to highly inquisitive. Did it drive me closer to any of them? Not really. It did however bring me closer to sleep, closer to a sheer exhaustion that had me less restless, less consumed by the loss I feel without Type Geek. I miss his voice, his touch, his laugh. I know, he hasn’t been that for a very long time, yet I miss him, and those moments regardless. 

So, at 3:33 am, I find myself gamed out, and ready for sleep. 2 miles from Type Geek but worlds apart. I miss him and getting out there and trying to date only makes me more aware of what I have lost. The games with the other men, they are just that, meaningless games. Maybe someday the games will become more serious and I will find a worthy opponent, even if he isn’t that 5’8″ bald workaholic with an adorable tush and a palate worth creating culinary masterpieces for whom I fell in love with in 2010.

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only the Jew was smart enough to see what was around him and duck, where as the Italian was too focused on himself to realize what hit him across the head.

This weekend could have been a wonderfully relaxing and tender weekend for two people who have had a challenging year, a way to unwind and reconnect. Instead, I’m heading down to NYC for two nights and two days of who knows what with Internet Skype guy. Sex could happen. Sex probably should happen, I deserve that from the universe. Actually, I deserve a full body massage and really good oral sex, then the best 8 hours of sleep ever. That is what I need.

Since my last post, Type Geek has come out with a new plan… utter disrespectful douche. If you insult her character she will no longer come… that is his theory. Although his other theory… if you ignore her, she will no longer cum, was pretty effective as well. I don’t want to get into what he said, but it sent me into such a fit of anger and how dare you’s that I almost walked the three miles to his house and slapped him across the face. In the end, he still wasn’t successful in making me hate him, just succesful in making me feel sorry for him. It’s quite sad at this point, his complete inability to connect to another human. I hope that someday he gets over what his ex did to him and feels more secure in who he is. For his own sake.

So, the chapter is ended. Is the book of Type Geek finished? Life is long, we shall never know. Perhaps I will reconnect in 20 years at an auction of mid century modern furniture… perhaps we are meant to be old together, but first, we need to grow old separately. Perhaps he just needs to grow first.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch… There is Bi-Coastal Foodie who is shuttling between Seattle and NYC, a foodie who actually admitted that he thinks I might be the better cook. (umm, of course) There was a photographer that lasted a few days, only to run at me wearing a giant red flag after I didn’t text him by a certain time about a potential cocktail. Key word…. potential, not, scheduled. Finally, there was a gentleman, Shellfish Guy who had hit on me months ago and I had told, that I wasn’t in the place because I was seeing someone else. He has continued to pursue me and I figure, hell, why not. So, that is where I am currently at.

This time around, how will I approach things differently? I’m not sure. This time it is a whole new game. I’m no longer wondering if it is possible for me to connect emotionally to a man, I obviously did. Now, maybe my lesson is that if you can’t be with the one you love, find another, then love the one you’re with. It might not be the same soul wrenching, powerful stuff that makes you JUST KNOW. But, maybe it can still be pretty good.

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My birthday is in a few days, and I am feeling far from celebratory. I felt like I was walking into 35 with much possibility, however, in the last 12 months I have lost 2 businesses, a condo, and a love that was unexpected. I’m walking into the new year in pain, with a visible limp. The weekend was supposed to be spent curled up, naked flesh against naked flesh, my nose in his neck, many hours of sleep,  many hours of making love, and the occasional moment of clothed dining. Instead, I have no plans.

The most solid option for doing something is a trip to NYC, which due to the marital and parental status of the majority of my NYC friends, means a stay with my Internet Skype artist guy. Now, don’t get me wrong, he has become a solid friend over the last year, we have surpassed our sex Skypes with conversation Skypes. He sent me a Valentine’s Day mix cd to help me get over my painful split and has offered more understanding than many of my other friends. So, what is the dilemma here? Sex. I’m still very much in love with Type Geek and Skype boy knows this. We spoke honestly about his expectations and assumptions and he said that he understands where I am.

So, where am I? Do I fuck him because Type Geek and I hadn’t had sex in so long and I do need to get laid? Who is that fair to? Is that what I really need, casual sex? Will that make me feel better?

Speaking of feeling better, I have a session with a new therapist next Monday. I’m looking forward to having someone I can vent to on a bi-weekly basis. Perhaps then, I will stop venting here.

I hope everyone out there is doing well. My thoughts are with you all.

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A friend of mine ran the Boston Marathon on Monday. Because I couldn’t make it to the festivities, I was logged into a text alert system the Marathon had set up. He came in at 3:16:38 ! Good for him. So, while he spent the morning running his ass for sheer craziness, I spent it moving shit around my condo. At this moment, 5 hours since I started, it is worse than when I began. Hmm. Can’t quite figure that one out. I will chalk it up to being a Pisces with horrible organizational skills.

I did take a few breaks during the afternoon however. The dog and I shared some of my favorite raw trail mix… goji berries, mulberries, pistachios and cacao nibs. She likes the goji and mulberries. We listened to a Pandora station of Mogwai which is a band that came highly recommended by Frenchie. Then, I spoke to Type Geek around 3, we considered getting coffee but we were both far too involved in stuff today and taking a break for coffee wasn’t worth the break in our own personal chore fulfilling momentum. We rain checked for tomorrow. Frenchie and I emailed and briefly talked about trying to catch up with each other later in the week and someone whom I know very little about. He works on trains and likes metal. Hmmm. So a Heavy Metal Thomas the Train? Heavy Metal Choo-Choo is his new name. Ha! He and I don’t have much in common according to our profiles but he seems nice, so a coffee can’t hurt, right?

I talk a lot about getting coffee or tea on first dates. I have only gone to a movie once on a date and that was Brooklyn, on my birthday. I don’t do the dinner thing much either, sometimes it happens as a natural progression of the evening but I like to have the flexible outs if I need them. Not to mention, it’s a cheap and non-committal way to know if you can sit and talk with the other person for even a half hour, before being committed to waiting for an entrée to come out of a busy kitchen. What do other people do on first dates?

So, it’s been a lazy day, OH, but not without zero excitement… I received quite the thrilling photo via text message from my Internet Sex Pal in NYC. Sigh. He wants to Skype later… and after a text message like the one I received, unless a date suddenly presents itself, how could I possibly say no? Tune in tomorrow for all the juicy news on my Skype date. In the meantime, since I am leaving on an UP note, check out my new favorite, and totally inappropriate, website… www.awkwardboners.com The photo for today’s post comes from their site. It’s worth a look for some hearty laughs.

Off to the post office, a snack, some iced coffee (perhaps) and then back home for some more rearranging, cleaning, showering and primping before I get my private personal Skype show later. I hope everyone has a fun night planned.

Tuesday post are web-syndicated by www.thenewgay.net

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Can I just start this post by saying, NO, I most certainly did NOT get fucked last night. SIGH. Future Lawyer is a sweet, romantic Rilke loving, red rose buying, back massage giving ivy league preppy. It’s so cute and if his lips weren’t so good, it would be too cloying for me. Generally, I would be frowning upon such behavior, as it has always felt so trite and contrived, however Future Lawyer is genuinely that guy. The Rilke on his bookcase is well-worn, not placed there just to impress the ladies. He has cried during more episodes of NPR’s This American Life for god’s sake than I have watched romantic comedies.

He met my dog and I at the train station and we quickly walked over to Starbucks for something hot to keep the bitter cold at bay for the walk back to the dorms. Coffee in hands, we  wandered through the maze of university buildings until we reached his Hall. As we walked in, he gave me flowers. My first internal reaction was that of mild discomfort. I have never liked to be given roses by anyone because they always seemed so formulaic and pedestrian. (Pedestrian is a word my ex fiancé used. I actually find it to be one of the most insulting words. She once said how much she hated that our problems were so pedestrian. What did she want? Some epic dilemma and great struggle?) I took a breath, shut down my inner dialogue and looked at him and how sweet, kind, AND sincere he was and then kicked my inner dialogue in the shin and put it in time out for the night. He hung my coat, poured me some wine and showed me around his suite, which was roughly the size of a small NYC one bedroom, minus a kitchen. We then picked out Slumdog Millionaire, since neither of us had seen it, and curled up on the couch in the dark. Occasional kisses were had. Wine was drunk, Michel Cluizel Grand Noir 85% chocolate was consumed and the dog was walked far enough to find my Future Lawyer a slice of pizza at midnight.

When we walked back into the suite, he disappeared for a moment to use mouth wash after the pizza. I really didn’t mind. I like spicy pepperoni. I laughed at him and wiped the wet bit off his lip. His embarrassment quickly departed as I started to kiss him. Remember, we were kicked out of a mall last week for making out. He may be schmaltzy, preppy and shorter than what I have gone for BUT he has a set of lips on him that just don’t quit. We kissed for a few minutes but then were distracted by the undergrads screaming outside his door. Music was a necessity, and somehow Mahler ended up being chosen.  As the music intensified, so did our kissing and eventually he backed me into his bedroom and locked my dog out with the door. She was horrified as she isn’t used to being separated from me by a closed-door. The lights went down and the next 45 minutes ranked up there as one of the hottest make out sessions in my history. Thank you Mahler. Eventually the composition changed however and it started to ruin the groove. I gave him the link to my online Trip Hop Playlist and ran into the living room to grab a hair-clip.

I patted my sad puppy on the head, dug in my purse and grabbed a hair clip. Prior to coming over I had tried to wax my legs a bit, so they wouldn’t be so bad on the likely chance that we ended up in contorted naked positions. I couldn’t do anything about the Brazilian. Those are NOT DIY jobs. I also bought a box of condoms, just in case. I know that most men purchase grocery store or drug store condoms, so I stopped by the sex shop and bought some Kimono Micro Thin japanese ones. When they make thin condoms, why do men go for regular? It’s better to be prepared and it isn’t the mans responsibility to worry about my sexual health and wish to stay childless, so I tossed one in my jeans pocket as I head back into the bedroom, hair pulled up for better long-haired girl on top make out action.

Back in the bedroom we find our groove again with the help of Morcheeba. Now, my pants come off, as do his and then he says it, after I am so turned on that I can’t see straight. He tells me that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea for us to have sex tonight. He wants to wait a little longer. AAACK! I am wearing one article of clothing, sprawled out with mussed up hair, looking at him in shock and disbelief through sexually charged eyes and thinking he might be kidding. He might start laughing at any moment and just take me. But he doesn’t, and I whimper, and we continue to make out for a while but some of the sheen is gone.

I stayed the night and I slept like I do at home, nude. If you want to wake up to a naked woman whom you have called gorgeous several times over the last 12 hours and feel tempted, that’s your fault buddy. Within an hour of waking up, we were out the door and parting ways at the train. I made a quick detour and grabbed an americano for the ride.

On the train ride home I was incredibly, ridiculously, crazy horny. I texted my Internet Sex man from NYC and made a fleeting playful remark about how horny I was and  why wasn’t he local? Surprisingly, I received a message back within moments. Apparently he found the timing of my message fitting as he had just been thinking of me. He checked Skype and I wasn’t there and assumed that he would be having a solo session. I laughed when the next text message was a photo of his erection. He has the perfect match of voyeur and exhibitionist traits to my own and along with my Pac NW man, they are my sexually deviant saviors on this journey. When I am not getting laid locally, I can sign into Skype and get some virtual action with a non stranger. It’s a wonderful set up that ends in my napping happily and a bit less frustrated than I had a few hours earlier. Sweet live kisses and hot internet sex. The world was a beautiful place today.

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Yeah, schmuck, I meant TODAY. When you agree to meet a woman for coffee at a certain time, you show up. In light of the lack of LOCAL natural disasters, bomb threats, massive city shut downs, emergency weather conditions, or paralysis, I can come to only one reason you wouldn’t appear. It seems, Schmucky Insomniac Artist with a late night cake baking obsession, is an ass. Seriously though, WHO does that? We are all in our 30’s-40’s here. (I mean, myself and the majority of the men I am going out with, not you the reader. But, please be over 16, some of the stuff I say is NOT suitable for minors.)

I arrived a few minutes late to my favorite coffee shop, but he knew that was a possibility due to my schedule. I even called the coffee shop and told my 3rd favorite (the 2nd was on the bar and the 1st wasn’t working) barista to let him know I would be a few minutes late, when he arrived. Only, he never arrives. No voicemail, no text message, no email… he never arrives. What makes this even more annoying is that we JUST made the plans yesterday! These weren’t plans mentioned long ago that were possibly forgotten, this was, “How does coffee in 16 hours sound?”!!! Men in this city are intimidated by sexually confident women and feel emasculated at the drop of a hat, rather than stepping up and grabbing the hat before it hits the ground and then OWNING that hat… running off with it proudly and boldly on their heads! So, Mr. Baker Man…. your runway skills sucked and you are outta the running to be America’s Next Lesbian Dating Experiment.

On a high note, I have a 2nd date with the Atheist Jewish Hipster Musician/Writer/Producer guy tomorrow. Just coffee in the late afternoon, but I am looking forward to it. He seems like a genuinely awesome guy who was dealt a shitty hand by his recent girlfriend. He’s no Jewish Internet Webcam Sex Master BUT he is only 3 miles away, not 200. Can’t beat convenience.

And speaking of beating, I was woken up at 3 am this morning by a horny text from said Jewish Internet Webcam Sex Master who had just arrived home, found my email containing some photos of myself and promptly contacted me complaining of the current state of his cock. He requested my presence for an abbreviated performance via Skype and then we said our good nights. What I really enjoy about our video play is how quickly and seamlessly he transitions from incredibly turned on grunting beast to his dorky post orgasmic coy smirky smiles and soft eyes. It’s excellent.

So, that brings us current. Oh, except I just started my period a few hours ago and between the life affirming cramps and a massive toothache, I want to step in front of a city bus. Reminder to self: Don’t speak much on date tomorrow unless willing to say some crazy hormonally charged nonsense that sounds like speaking in tongues but equates to buzz kill for all men.

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These dating sites use an algorithmic approach to matching its members. Sometimes it works, some what. Other times it thinks I should date the 5’7 fattie with horseshoe pattern baldness and a desk job at a tech company in some suburban office park. Whooot! Yup, that’s my match alright! Well, last night it matched me with this man who has eyes the color of Australia’s famed Coral Coast and a face full of angles and bones and absolute brilliance. He’s 200 miles away I noticed, so the algorithm failed BUT, I decided that if I could do it for a year with my exfiancé, I could do it for a man whose eyes burn through you.

So, I  IM’d him. For those of you unfamiliar with internet lingo terms, that is Instant Messaged. There was a ten minute delay in his response, I assumed the distance was a turnoff. When he did respond we easily fell into a friendly rapport, that shifted once I asked his first name. I found his name peculiar, so I googled it in hopes of finding a cultural lineage association. When that search turned up nothing, I added his city, NOT ever thinking the first site that wouldappear would be his website. Suddenly I was intimately familiar in a painfully voyeuristic sense, with many aspects of his person, including his cock. Which, upon seeing, might I add, I suddenly clicked back to his profile and looked at his face and sighed. I then asked him, after remembering what he said in his profile, if he is culturally Jewish. He stated he was an atheist and I didn’t assume by his facial features, I didn’t see it UNTIL I saw the picture of his cock. Then I knew. I should just assume that if I find them attractive… probably got some Jew in there somewhere. My track record is Ashkenazic, I do NOT know why. I don’t go forSephardic or the Egyptian or African Jew, it must be Eastern European. Some people are Anglophiles, apparently I am a Judaiophile. What are ya’ gonna do? Sit around and kvetch about it or find some nice Jew schlong? Excellent choice.

I think I need to clarify WHY he has explicit photos of himself posted on-line. Aside from being an exhibitionist (SCORE!) and a voyeur (SCORE x 2!) he is also an established mixed media artist. He works in interactive visual realms such as video, and performance, as well as, creating through painting, writing, and photography. Hence, the nudity with such robust sociocultural statements attached.

Because I had now seen him in his full glory, I felt as if I was being unfair if I didn’t send over some pics of myself.  An eye for an eye, a tit for a cock? So, we began some in-depth chatting of our particular sexual proclivities and predilections. His proclamation of ALWAYS being a top is quite exciting actually. Now, how to get him a few hours closer?

Eventually all things must cum to an end, so we switched to Skype. I brushed my hair as I hadn’t yet taken off my winter hat and was sporting the worst hair EVER and changed out of my grandma sweater. This video call was NOT about me doing anything except watching. (clap clap clap) So, I watched. Oy vey, did I ever. We signed off so we could both get some work done, that we had happily avoided for hours, however I was not incredibly turned on and wanting my own personal happy moment.  I wrote out a fairly descriptive scenario to get my mind working, emailed it to him so I could think of him getting excited reading it, and set sail for my own little journey.

This morning I received an email from him explaining how, between our conversation, the webcam voyeur /exhibitionist play, my pics and my story, he had masturbated no less than 4 times… in under 9 hours. He slept for 6 of those. I felt very proud of myself. I still do. Of course we know that the chances of hot virtual sex ever being nearly that good in person are rare. I am definitely interested in getting to know this one a bit more though. I told him that I would be interested in actually spending time with him, in addition to shtuping him. He seemed to agree, but the afterglow of 4 orgasms might have him confused and easily agreeable.

Now, after a canceled date with a turk, which I will explain next post, and too many shots of espresso, the aggravation of two playful mice that are running around my kitchen and NOT getting caught by either my dog or my traps, and finally, a really hot shower, I am going to go to bed.

Ciao.

Update: I received an email letting me know that in under 24 hours the total number rose to 5.  Almost 6, but he “didn’t have the time to fully commit to it.” I like someone who shows passion and commitment to the things that are really important , don’t you?

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