Archive for May, 2010

In case any of you heard that noise last night… it was the chapter of Student Driver & Brooklyn being closed LOUDLY. I have grown tired of the “friendship” on his rules and conditions. A friendship is not based only on one individual’s set of criteria. That isn’t how it works. Especially when the “friendship” exists solely because he reached out to me because he wanted to fuck me. The only time we were truly friends was then, in the moments of his attraction, interest and adoration… once we got naked and almost fucked. Once we got naked and he freaked out because he has only been intimate with one woman and he is scared to death of change and vulnerability, that is when the cards were shuffled and a new deck brought in without my being aware. Our friendship went from a highly emotionally intimate one to one that ranked no higher than that of the conversation you share with casual strangers on the street all within days of getting naked.

I sent him an email last night. I was just emotionally done with the rollercoaster of him wanting to hang out, only he doesn’t, he makes excuses, then telling me how uncomfortable I make him because I’m a sexualized human being and I want more than he can give physically. Umm, been celibate for 4 years, sex isn’t the most important thing in my world. Don’t get me wrong… it’s nice to be getting it again, but I don’t live or die by whether I am having a regular orgasm. Anyway, I digress. So, I sent him an email, asking that he just let me go until he can truly be my friend, until he is able to be present and look me in the eyes again. He has been unable to sit across from me and have coffee or a simple chat in over a month. He can’t look me in the eyes because he can’t hide from me there. The email did NOT attack him.I told him that I loved him deeply, more than I could put into words, more than I could explain, and that while I am not asking for us to end our friendship, I am asking him to not reach out to me until he is through whatever it is he needs to deal with that creates this block with us.

So, what was his reaction to this? Rather than respect it, he texted me asking to talk. He then called me and proceeded to go on the defensive and then attack. He started off by telling me that he hadn’t read it all, and then telling me that I am placing higher standards on our friendship than my others because of my “inflated feelings” for him. (umm, ouch…inflated?). He also implied that I am sitting around and pining for him, that he can’t give that, that he isn’t interested in giving that. I laughed at the pining comment.

IF he and I had a real friendship, the kind he says ours is, he would then know, at least, that I have continued to date and that I am regularly dating two gentlemen now, Type Geek and Cooper Fiennes. He wouldn’t necessarily know that I have had sex with Type Geek, and good sex at that, or that I have made out with Cooper Fiennes by the waterfront at 12:30 on a hot night… but he would at least know that I am dating. So, I am hardly pining. When he implied that I laughed at him. This made him angry and he inquired about what it was I was laughing about. I told him that I have been dating someone for a month whom I am actively sleeping with, so his presumptions are all wrong. Had he actually READ the email, he would have come from the correct place of understanding, rather than doing the exact opposite, instead of respecting me and leaving me at peace, he called me and disrespected and said offensive things to me. Thanks babe.

With that said, I think the saga of Brooklyn and Student Driver might have closed. Do I still love him, of course I do. That will never change. I loved him before I knew what he looked like, before I had met him. He was always a part of my soul, I just wasn’t sure of his physical details.

Now, speaking of Type Geek and Cooper Fiennes… what a weekend! Type Geek and I laid in the sun all afternoon on Saturday, eating a picnic that I threw together the night before. We had white anchovies, canned rainbow trout, falafel chips, falafel balls, kalamata olive hummus, garlic lemon hummus, lamb sautéed in smoked spanish paprika, a middle eastern quinoa salad, almond macaroons, goat cheese, rolls for him and a salad of arugula, fresh local strawberries, pineapple sage candied nuts, feta, and lemon vinaigrette. T’was very very good. As was the iced coffee that resulted in a port-a-potty run. Reminder, don’t over-consume diuretic style beverages at an outdoor festival with 20k people in attendance… portable johns are DISGUSTING. After we ate, we packed it all away and alternated between laying on each other and the dog while listening to the music from the nearby stage. At one point he had both my head and the dog sitting fully on his lap. The people watching was superb. We faced the water for the majority of our time there, people were sailing, kayaking and rowing. Some were stoned, one couple was evidently on meth and cruising along erratically in their canoe, another poor lady kept flipping herself and was unable to get back in her kayak. After 10 minutes of watching her, it felt embarrassing. We felt sorry for her. Overall, it was a great festival, UNTIL Type Geek spoke to the freak. Apparently he has a freak magnet, as this drunk guy decided he was our new best friend and kept trying to pet my dog who found his intoxication very unnerving. She was so uncomfortable that I had to physically restrain him at one point from touching her any longer. THIS is finally what harshed our mellow and made us decide to get some wine and sit on his porch.

The wine, good. The porch, nice. The remaining snacks, excellent. The hot and heavy make out that occurred on his office chair… holy hotness! We were dealing with dog issues. My dog had never been to his house, had never met his cat. His cat had never met a dog. So, we kept the dog in the office with us, until it came to the point of turning the make out session up a notch to getting laid. We looked at eachother and started to mull it about and I could see that all the thinking was killing the mood, so I just opened the door and allowed the dog access to the entire apartment. Type Geek was very concerned but in the end, other than whining every few hours because we had locked the dog out of the bedroom while we fucked, it was uneventful.

Speaking of fucking…. the SKYN condoms ROCK!!! A little too much in fact. Do expect that your partner may come VERY quickly the first go round, if they are only used to latex. There is a lot of natural feeling with these things. The second go around was better, we both knew what to expect with them and were able to gauge what was going on so that it wasn’t a quickie when we wanted something more drawn out.

The next morning we woke to the dog cuddling beside us. She had crawled under the chair that was blocking the doorway and up into bed. The dog on my left, Type Geek beside me and his cat on his right, under the covers and by his feet. Everyone naked, snoozing and at peace. No bloody dog or hissing cat. Fabulous!

I left after some coffee so that he could get some work done. The pup and I headed to the local grocery shop for some ready-made sushi, aka lunch, and were strolling to the train when Cooper Fiennes texted me. He lives close to Type Geek and was headed into the city, so we decided to meet up and travel in together. Charming as ever, we spent an hour walking around in the sun and then smooched by the station as I headed home.

Overall, an excellent weekend. Hardly what I would call pining behaviour. 

Tuesday posts are web-syndicated by www.thenewgay.net

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Why do I find it obnoxious and trite if an american gives me a red rose, or any rose for that matter, however, if a european does it, suddenly it’s charming?! Cooper Fiennes was running a few minutes late so he showed up with a single red rose for me. Normally that would induce gag reflex, but from him, it seems sweet and endearing. Did I mention how hot he is? Damn, he is SO hot. However, I digress….

We had two hours to kill before our film, so we wandered over to a local restaurant and had some sangria. He isn’t too fond of sangria it appears, where as it is one of three quintessential summer drinks in my world. Because you are wondering, these are: Mojitos, Sangria and Prosecco. He said that, in Spain, sangria is a cheap drink that young people drink. Obviously he has never had my top shelf sangria that breaks the bank, and any inhibitions one might have had at drink #1. Conversation flows rather easily with him; educated but highbrow, indie without being hipster. He makes me laugh without trying. I enjoy that ease.

At 9, we wandered over to the cinema. I abandoned him at the ticket window to choose the film, as I picked up some overpriced Dasani from the refreshment station. $4 for a $1 bottle of water?! Eeek. After entering our particular theatre, we joked about the abundance of people. In truth, there were 2 couples in the entire showing. Us and Them. This city is a sad excuse for what a city wants to be. Sigh. The previews were great, a new film coming soon by Jean-Pierre Jeunet plus a hysterical film with Julianne Moore and Annette Benning as a long married lesbian couple. During the previews we would occasionally whisper something, but mainly we watched the screen. I wondered if he would try to touch me, he didn’t. Is he truly attracted to me or politely attracted to me because I am present and he is looking for a way to fill the time? One can never tell with short-term residents. Once the movie started we focused forward with but only a few comments here and there. Films are always hard dates, you lose touch of someone during that time. Rather than connecting, you are disconnecting. I don’t usually pick cinema dates at the beginning, however, it was his request.

After the movie ended I found that I had a little over an hour before the last train. Why leave early when you can stare at and chat up such a handsome and charmingly sweet man for another hour?! We wandered into a local bar and ordered a couple of cocktails. Mine, as per usual, being more interesting than my dates. I had an old-fashioned made with aged rum, while Cooper Fiennes had, essentially, a screwdriver. Simple, classic, and unexpectedly boring. I guess that when you look like that, sound like that, and are, well… that, you can drink a vodka and oj. The bartender was awesome and he spent some time chatting with us before I realized, hmm, I think my train leaves in 10 minutes. The bartender corrected me, the train leaves in 3 minutes. Oh SHIT. Cooper Fiennes paid the tab and we rushed out the door, a moment of panic as the train station gates were locked. A breath of relief as we realized it was for the opposite direction that I was headed. Fingers crossed and breath held as we crossed the street to the other station egress. Please Please Please… the gates were just about to close as I walked up. I turned to him, grabbed him and gave him the worlds fastest kiss, I then ran down the stairs and, over my shoulder, gave a sad eyed “SORRY” as I vanished behind the gates and onto the train.

I then texted him as I was sitting on the train, ” I just JUST made it! Kiss me again…soon. Please. 😉 ” He responded that he had a wonderful night, the last 5 seconds being the best part, albeit too short and that he would be kissing me again…soon. NICE! I guess the answer is leaning more towards his actually being attracted to me. Excellent. I rode the rest of the way with a funny smirk and then felt really naughty as I realized that in less than 24 hours, I will have had a date with Cooper Fiennes, have had lunch with Brooklyn and will be having coffee with Type Geek afterwards, as he is working from home, 3 blocks from where Brooklyn and I are having lunch. Wow, either I am a Lifetime movie in the making or an episode of Sex and the City. Who would have thought 10 years ago, that this would be me?

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My ex broke up with her girlfriend…AGAIN. Hopefully it sticks this time. The relationship is volatile and dangerous. If everything that has happened now, isn’t sufficient reason to leave, it will take one of them in the hospital and/or jail in order to finally end this relationship. So, she called me after picking up her things from the other woman’s apartment and was headed home when I suggested that I buy her and her mother lunch, someplace cheap, so that they could just decompress and potentially have a few laughs, rather than wallowing in a bad place. She agreed.

We met halfway between where I was with my dog and a client and the, now, ex-girlfriend’s apartment. A Panera Bread cafe. They have this apple chicken salad I LOVE. Her mom had a ham and swiss on rye and my ex, she had the tomato soup…and picked at it, as she picks at all her food. We were sitting there listening to her dissect, again and again, this girlfriend and the actions that led up to this moment. It’s exhausting after a while. All you can do is be supportive, but sometimes, that is difficult when they can’t be supportive of themselves. It feels like a losing battle.

I realized as we sat there that there was a sex shop around the corner. Hmm, I need condoms. I have the Kimono Large because the guy I was hoping to be with when I bought them was jewish and a bit girthy than average. Type Geek is not jewish so the large would be wrong. After we finished our lunch, my ex and I wandered over while her mom sat in her car. Her mom was a little embarrassed. We walked in and she went off and pouted, looking around and thinking of her now ex. I stood staring at the condoms. So foreign to me after 12 years with women. I had hoped to get some regulars but they didn’t have the extra thin regular Kimonos. Hmmpf. I ended up picking up a couple Skyns and some Avanti Bares. The Polyisophrene material is supposedly far superior to latex in terms of heat transfer and feeling, both for the wearer and the receiver. We shall see. I also picked up some Sliquid lube, as I was told the Skyns can sometimes dry out quickly without additional assistance. Not good and good to know!

Perhaps I will get a chance to try them out on Saturday evening AND Sunday morning. One never does know what the world shall bring. Type Geek and I have that date with the dog and an outdoor music festival on Saturday afternoon. Sun and grass can be quite good for the libido, especially if I figure out how to wear something that isn’t suggestive but is. Hmm, demure sundress sans panties? All I know is this… I have been thinking of having sex on Type Geek’s kitchen table for days. Why? I am not sure, but surely, this would be quite fun. That is a small goal for this coming weekend.

The rest of the week is shaping up to be post worthy. Cooper Fiennes and I are grabbing a cocktail and a trip to the cinema tonight, and Brooklyn wants a dog free lunch meet up on Thursday. How will this be? I haven’t seen him in over a month I think. I have been able to subdue my feelings for him, compartmentalized them in a way that is safe and allows me to exist without constant thoughts. I miss him, yes. I miss that connection. I can’t continue as we have been however, I can’t continue being disregarded. I’m not sure what is going to come out in our conversation over lunch, if we make it to lunch. I might find him too frustrating to be around and just walk away. Perhaps, this is what needs to happen.

Sweet, sweet “hump day”, the week is at mid-point, but there are still so many stories that need to be told, adventures to go on, life to be lived, before the week cycles into the next. I can’t sleep with the Spaniard. Not yet. That would be too many men in 7 days. I do want some kisses against a wall and in the rain though. How hot would that be? Mmmm, yeah. Super hot.

So, what are your experiences out there with all the different types of condoms? Informal survey… comment with your most favorites, least favorites, what ones broke (the horror), what ones made you thing a steel drum around your cock would have given more sensation?! Inquiring minds, we want to know!

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