In case any of you heard that noise last night… it was the chapter of Student Driver & Brooklyn being closed LOUDLY. I have grown tired of the “friendship” on his rules and conditions. A friendship is not based only on one individual’s set of criteria. That isn’t how it works. Especially when the “friendship” exists solely because he reached out to me because he wanted to fuck me. The only time we were truly friends was then, in the moments of his attraction, interest and adoration… once we got naked and almost fucked. Once we got naked and he freaked out because he has only been intimate with one woman and he is scared to death of change and vulnerability, that is when the cards were shuffled and a new deck brought in without my being aware. Our friendship went from a highly emotionally intimate one to one that ranked no higher than that of the conversation you share with casual strangers on the street all within days of getting naked.
I sent him an email last night. I was just emotionally done with the rollercoaster of him wanting to hang out, only he doesn’t, he makes excuses, then telling me how uncomfortable I make him because I’m a sexualized human being and I want more than he can give physically. Umm, been celibate for 4 years, sex isn’t the most important thing in my world. Don’t get me wrong… it’s nice to be getting it again, but I don’t live or die by whether I am having a regular orgasm. Anyway, I digress. So, I sent him an email, asking that he just let me go until he can truly be my friend, until he is able to be present and look me in the eyes again. He has been unable to sit across from me and have coffee or a simple chat in over a month. He can’t look me in the eyes because he can’t hide from me there. The email did NOT attack him.I told him that I loved him deeply, more than I could put into words, more than I could explain, and that while I am not asking for us to end our friendship, I am asking him to not reach out to me until he is through whatever it is he needs to deal with that creates this block with us.
So, what was his reaction to this? Rather than respect it, he texted me asking to talk. He then called me and proceeded to go on the defensive and then attack. He started off by telling me that he hadn’t read it all, and then telling me that I am placing higher standards on our friendship than my others because of my “inflated feelings” for him. (umm, ouch…inflated?). He also implied that I am sitting around and pining for him, that he can’t give that, that he isn’t interested in giving that. I laughed at the pining comment.
IF he and I had a real friendship, the kind he says ours is, he would then know, at least, that I have continued to date and that I am regularly dating two gentlemen now, Type Geek and Cooper Fiennes. He wouldn’t necessarily know that I have had sex with Type Geek, and good sex at that, or that I have made out with Cooper Fiennes by the waterfront at 12:30 on a hot night… but he would at least know that I am dating. So, I am hardly pining. When he implied that I laughed at him. This made him angry and he inquired about what it was I was laughing about. I told him that I have been dating someone for a month whom I am actively sleeping with, so his presumptions are all wrong. Had he actually READ the email, he would have come from the correct place of understanding, rather than doing the exact opposite, instead of respecting me and leaving me at peace, he called me and disrespected and said offensive things to me. Thanks babe.
With that said, I think the saga of Brooklyn and Student Driver might have closed. Do I still love him, of course I do. That will never change. I loved him before I knew what he looked like, before I had met him. He was always a part of my soul, I just wasn’t sure of his physical details.
Now, speaking of Type Geek and Cooper Fiennes… what a weekend! Type Geek and I laid in the sun all afternoon on Saturday, eating a picnic that I threw together the night before. We had white anchovies, canned rainbow trout, falafel chips, falafel balls, kalamata olive hummus, garlic lemon hummus, lamb sautéed in smoked spanish paprika, a middle eastern quinoa salad, almond macaroons, goat cheese, rolls for him and a salad of arugula, fresh local strawberries, pineapple sage candied nuts, feta, and lemon vinaigrette. T’was very very good. As was the iced coffee that resulted in a port-a-potty run. Reminder, don’t over-consume diuretic style beverages at an outdoor festival with 20k people in attendance… portable johns are DISGUSTING. After we ate, we packed it all away and alternated between laying on each other and the dog while listening to the music from the nearby stage. At one point he had both my head and the dog sitting fully on his lap. The people watching was superb. We faced the water for the majority of our time there, people were sailing, kayaking and rowing. Some were stoned, one couple was evidently on meth and cruising along erratically in their canoe, another poor lady kept flipping herself and was unable to get back in her kayak. After 10 minutes of watching her, it felt embarrassing. We felt sorry for her. Overall, it was a great festival, UNTIL Type Geek spoke to the freak. Apparently he has a freak magnet, as this drunk guy decided he was our new best friend and kept trying to pet my dog who found his intoxication very unnerving. She was so uncomfortable that I had to physically restrain him at one point from touching her any longer. THIS is finally what harshed our mellow and made us decide to get some wine and sit on his porch.
The wine, good. The porch, nice. The remaining snacks, excellent. The hot and heavy make out that occurred on his office chair… holy hotness! We were dealing with dog issues. My dog had never been to his house, had never met his cat. His cat had never met a dog. So, we kept the dog in the office with us, until it came to the point of turning the make out session up a notch to getting laid. We looked at eachother and started to mull it about and I could see that all the thinking was killing the mood, so I just opened the door and allowed the dog access to the entire apartment. Type Geek was very concerned but in the end, other than whining every few hours because we had locked the dog out of the bedroom while we fucked, it was uneventful.
Speaking of fucking…. the SKYN condoms ROCK!!! A little too much in fact. Do expect that your partner may come VERY quickly the first go round, if they are only used to latex. There is a lot of natural feeling with these things. The second go around was better, we both knew what to expect with them and were able to gauge what was going on so that it wasn’t a quickie when we wanted something more drawn out.
The next morning we woke to the dog cuddling beside us. She had crawled under the chair that was blocking the doorway and up into bed. The dog on my left, Type Geek beside me and his cat on his right, under the covers and by his feet. Everyone naked, snoozing and at peace. No bloody dog or hissing cat. Fabulous!
I left after some coffee so that he could get some work done. The pup and I headed to the local grocery shop for some ready-made sushi, aka lunch, and were strolling to the train when Cooper Fiennes texted me. He lives close to Type Geek and was headed into the city, so we decided to meet up and travel in together. Charming as ever, we spent an hour walking around in the sun and then smooched by the station as I headed home.
Overall, an excellent weekend. Hardly what I would call pining behaviour.
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