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Posts Tagged ‘aussie’

I hit the pause button. I didn’t delete my profile, I just deactivated it. The idea of dating right now is exhausting and NOT in that fun and thrilling kind of way. The slew of douche bags (hello fiscally conservative guy who feels put upon by the poor), Utopian seeking (hola neuro surfing Aussie who wants pretty smiles and hot kisses BUT no real life), frigid/fickle-tons (flirting in the last 5 seconds of the date and kissing me ONLY then and never touching me… if you like me, touch me, if you don’t, stop calling me…PLEASE), with crazy ex’s (turns out Virginia’s ex was the cause of his flake…and I thank him, as she might have boiled all of my neighbors pets in a Glenn Close move, had he and I actually successfully gone out again)…. has broken me. I’m broken.

With my stalled career, lack of true income, unresolved health issue, and general malaise regarding being 37 and farther behind than I feel I should…I just can’t fake the dating right now. All I have the energy for is the comfort of old dances and familiar hands, as much as you may disagree, it’s the one solace I have at the moment, and it’s good that it came around when it did, because this is what I need.

 

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In the matter of three days…I met someone who actually took my mind off Type Geek. Someone who I was starting to majorly crush on. Someone who I lounged with well over multiple cocktails in cozy corner booths and kissed boldly in the midst of a first date. He photographed me on walks, rubbed my shoulders at the movie theatre, played with my fingers under the table. He told me of things he wanted to do with me, little adventures. Then, in a moment of feeling like he was an understanding stand up guy, as I was finding myself getting wrapped up in these ideas of these future adventures, I put some things on the table. Some things about my past. My family, my business, my sexuality. The next day, he said it was pretty heavy stuff and that he needed a day or two to process it.  But then, that was it. Only thing is, he never came back to ask for clarification, to ask questions, to tell me that he understands that things that happened around me and too me, are not the same as me and that it’s okay. Instead, the message I received loudly, through echoing silence, was that he doesn’t think I’m worth giving the benefit of the doubt to, or a moment to call me or text me and tell me that. My feelings are hurt far more than I thought and I am terribly disappointed because I was really really crushing on the Aussie.

I really want my turn. When is it going to be my turn?

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Friday night I called in a lifeline. I was having a drink with a date that I had already known walking in was a bad idea. Widowed less than 6 months ago by a depressive suicidal wife who took her own life, he was vulnerable,  awkward, and also the epitome of software nerd. This guy, I knew he wasn’t a match, but yet, how do you cancel on someone who’s wife od’d on vicodin just months earlier, leaving behind a confused man and two young boys? You don’t. You go.

So: In the hour I was with him, he didn’t notice, nor offer to go to the bar and get me a drink, as he absent mindeldy just drank his as I stood there without anything in MY hand. He didn’t ask me if/what I wanted. He just struggled for words to fill the spaces. He likes video games and PBS reality shows about pioneering. He awkwardly interjected and introduced himself into conversations with friends I’d run into before I had the opportunity to get to that point in the greeting.  We aren’t talking 5 minutes here. Maybe 45 seconds. He complimented me on my blouse and then asked WHERE I got it. Umm, where I got it? Are you really interested in WHERE I got it? And he can’t follow social cues on where a conversation is heading, instead he forces it into a place that he’s wanting it to live. Sigh. I couldn’t do it, it was painful, both to watch and be involved in, so I politely bailed out.

I then ran into a newish friend and we shared some Indian food and a few cocktails while chatting about men and their foibles.

The night before… I had a great date. Sandwiched between the Man-Child cancellation and the Awkward Widower was a brilliant handsome Aussie who surfs. We are heading out again tonight, a walk with the pup, then a bit of spaghetti western and cocktails. Perfect.

 

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