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Archive for the ‘Hmmmm’ Category

I hit the pause button. I didn’t delete my profile, I just deactivated it. The idea of dating right now is exhausting and NOT in that fun and thrilling kind of way. The slew of douche bags (hello fiscally conservative guy who feels put upon by the poor), Utopian seeking (hola neuro surfing Aussie who wants pretty smiles and hot kisses BUT no real life), frigid/fickle-tons (flirting in the last 5 seconds of the date and kissing me ONLY then and never touching me… if you like me, touch me, if you don’t, stop calling me…PLEASE), with crazy ex’s (turns out Virginia’s ex was the cause of his flake…and I thank him, as she might have boiled all of my neighbors pets in a Glenn Close move, had he and I actually successfully gone out again)…. has broken me. I’m broken.

With my stalled career, lack of true income, unresolved health issue, and general malaise regarding being 37 and farther behind than I feel I should…I just can’t fake the dating right now. All I have the energy for is the comfort of old dances and familiar hands, as much as you may disagree, it’s the one solace I have at the moment, and it’s good that it came around when it did, because this is what I need.

 

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Last night a friend of mine, a DJ, asked me over to have a drink. I guess I was naive. I wasn’t completely sure that he was interested in me in anything other than as a cool chick, however, let’s be real… Men don’t make friends with girls because they think that they are cool. Men make friends with women they find attractive and hope to have a chance at dating or fucking.
He’s a sweet guy but a guy I’d be friends with, not wrap myself around. He reminds me of the men I’ve known through the years. The boys I hung out with in high school. Music nerds, you know, the Jon Cusack character in High Fidelity… but in Jack Black’s body.
So, in my exhausted cluelessness, he started to kiss me. A couple minutes in, not feeling anything, I said that I needed to go. I felt badly and I didn’t want to continue on in a manner that was leading towards someplace I knew wasn’t what I wanted and wasn’t genuine.
Would I have felt differently if he were Jack Black in John Cusack’s body? Maybe. I don’t know for sure. I do know that what I was sure of … was that my staying would have been unfairly leading him on … and that wasn’t something I wanted to do.

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Talked to 3 guys on Match today, received a text from a friend with 3 men she wanted to set me up with, and found an old business associate on Match whom I had, what I now realize to be, a subtle crush on, back when we did business together and I still assumed I was gay. Yet, it’s 8:10 pm and I’m doing laundry, writing a “white paper” on social media practices, tweeting and dealing with a gassy dog who insists on sitting 2 feet from me. I’d rather have my legs wrapped around someone, truth be told. It’s been awhile. I think it’s time I wrote a letter to Santa. Anyone want to help? Anyone have connections? Shit, anyone know any hot geeky men with great musical tastes, who aren’t shorter than me when I wear heels, or really into sports? Preferably foodies. Preferably manscaping foodies. Is this too much to ask? Does this exist in a sane version? I’m taking applications now for an outside spoon.

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