Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Dating Etiquette’ Category

I had two dates this past week that I was looking forward to, both men traveling through Boston. The science geek from San Diego and the designer from Virginia. I will make part of the details brief, because one of them barely deserves the mention.

San Diego is the most contrary and obstinate of men. He walked in strong, being tall and handsome with okay style… really, all he needed to do was not say anything dumb. Alas, everything he said was dumb and, unlike most scientists who are fixated on fact, he liked to argue inarguable points, such as Barcelona being located in the North Eastern region of Spain. Apparently, his once being in a region to the North West of it suddenly relocated Barcelona to the South Eastern part of the country. I had to pull up a map on my iPhone to get him to stop arguing, and then, he responds, well, it is South East of where I was. That is like calling Westchester UPSTATE New York cause you live in Manhattan.

At 7:08 pm on Friday night, Virginia appeared at my door. I stepped out, we looked at each other and each of us knowingly smiled. A hug and kiss on the cheek began our 7 hour date. At no time was there awkward silence, uncomfortable conversation, frustration or misunderstandings. There was no needing to find a way to relate, we just did. He genuinely complimented me throughout the evening in a way that was gentlemanly but also cheeky and flirty. We drank, laughed, talked seriously about our exes, our lives, and life. After our great dinner, we went next door to a great bar and grabbed a back booth and continued. It felt like I have always known him and it was extremely comfortable. I kicked my heels off towards the end of the evening and put my feet beside him on the booth, to which he grabbed my feet and started massaging them. Really?! Thank you! At some point, after he had been running his hand along my feet and ankles for an hour, I needed him closer, so partly to have an excuse, and partly because it was so loud in there, I told him to sit next to me because I couldn’t hear him. A little while later, we were looking at a YouTube video on my phone and, when our heads were really close, I turned to him and said, “you can kiss me if you’d like.” Of course he would like. So, some smooches in the booth, then in the car as we waited for it to heat up, then outside my house as he was dropping me off. As I was getting out of the car, he called me back over to him and gave me one more smooch. Sigh. When I got out of that car and walked to my door, the night seemed a little less dark.

By the way, we have another date for Wednesday and YES, I am MAJORLY crushing on him.

Read Full Post »

I talked to him a couple times on line. Thought he seemed endearing, sorta like a puppy crossed with Anthony Edwards from the early ER era. So, I agreed to a last minute date with the Financier. Little did I know…

Well, let us see, he walks in wearing one of those “duster” over coats with the flaps, black, over a dress shirt and jeans with brown shoes and … a little black bowler hat that has a satin flower on it (should I tell him it’s a womans hat?). Then, he tells me that his ex girlfriend was ridiculous because she did homeopathy on her dog (!! yes, I ran a holistically minded sustainable pet business asshole). Then he says how dare poor people have access to subsidized housing because if HE can’t afford to live in a place that good, neither should they.

Then … oh, lets see, I think I stopped him from his constant talk of self long enough to say, so, are you fiscally conservative… and he said, of course… as if it is normal and EVERYONE is, to which I said, ” yeah, so I’m a socialist.”

THEN he says that he can tell on the profiles on line that women into sports are uneducated because they just “did some college and not advanced degrees” and that “women who haven’t done advanced degrees are more likely to be about plastic cups of beer and blue collar life than….”

Meanwhile my inner dialogue:

and oh yeah, BTW … I did not go to college asshole. So, I’m a socialist, former business owner, high class, design snob, well dressed and cared for homeopathic follower who waxes her pussy and you will NEVER get to see it because you are a short sighted judgemental fuck.

Bam, date over.

Ahem, so there is that.

Read Full Post »

I guess it is my fault for even considering him to begin with. There was something boyish and scruffy about him , something funny and snarky, something different, I guess. So, I made the date.

My first warning sign should have been the… You plan it and tell me when and where. Umm, no. You want to take me out… YOU plan it.

Then, in rapid succession came every reason and flaming red flag ever needed:

He works a job he isn’t passionate about yet he isn’t strategizing a next move. He’s content with mediocrity.

When I responded past a text of his with two other flirty texts later in the day, his response was to ask if I had Verizon, because he doesn’t have unlimited texts. Way to respond to a hot girl text flirting with you buddy.

The night before our date it became clear that he hadn’t considered planning it when he said, so I’m thinking Chinese cause of your allergy. Um, I can’t do Chinese… Other than pizza and beer it’s one of the worst choices for me. Then he says, well, how about Mexican? To which I respond that it can sometimes be okay but that he should just pick a place and call them and ask whether they can accommodate my allergy. Then, as if he isn’t listening, I realized his third choice  showed the bigger issue motivating his picks, he’s cheap. He chose a vegan/veg place that is really only known for their pizzas. I mentioned that vegan places use gluten as their meat substitutes and rely on bread and pasta as mainstays in the meal. “So, eat vegetables then.” That’s what he said. Hey, way to show a girl a good time.

At 33, he lives with his parents and couldn’t answer the question regarding his exit timeline and strategy.

So, dread dread dread. I cancelled a few hours before, with an excuse regarding work, because I felt it was kinder than the truth. In the end, his response was brilliant, for a man-child.  “That’s too bad, because I was looking forward to our date.  You ruined my day and I’m mad at you for it.” IF I had actually been caught up at work, he just secured himself supportive asshole of the year award and no chance in hell of a redo.

He reminded me of that Chris Elliot show Get A Life when he was a 30 yr old paper boy living above his parent’s garage. Perhaps our date would have ended with my finding out that he stole his dad’s car and was actually unlicensed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQolt4lI4wM

Read Full Post »

So, I know that I have talked to people on OkCupid when I wasn’t planning on meeting them, because I wasn’t ready to actually break up with Type Geek. Since he took the ax to our most current try, I have actively been making dates. With that said, if you, as a man or woman, ask someone to set aside one of their only evenings that they have free, nearly a week in advance, and you continue to chat them up leading up to the date, do NOT then cancel 7 hours before the date because in the last 24 hours you decided to start exclusively dating someone else. Either a) fulfill the dating commitment and make the choice after the date, or b) as soon as you realize that you REALLY like this other person, not 7 hours prior to a date with another, after you have already gone through the motions with the other person and discussed dating exclusively. If you think it’s going to go that way, don’t make the person you set a date with act as a place holder, just in case. Respect their time. You break dates because you break a bone, you have an emergency come up, work throws something at you last minute, etc. You do not set dates as place holders and break them with under 24 hours notice when you know someone put aside plans with others to make time for you.

Perhaps I should institute a reservation holding policy like restaurants. A credit card goes on file and you get charged if you cancel in under 24 hours or don’t show. Grrr.

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: