The last time I posted, I was heading off to a few days in NYC, to be HOME during the anniversary of the attacks. I lived there then, 10 years ago. I was going to my office in Midtown Manhattan from Williamsburg, Brooklyn when that first plane hit. I didn’t see it happen on my walk from Grand Central to 46th and Madison. It was only when I got off the elevator that my coworker told me. The next several hours were spent huddled with upper management in a conference room that thankfully faced west, rather than south, while we watched the madness on TV. NYC is no longer home, in the primal core of my heart, it is, a place that I feel closer to my center than almost anywhere, but other than that, other than a gut feeling, it isn’t home.
It was an odd trip and feeding off the energy of NYC, my anxiety levels were sky high at moments, especially after having my camera break and a couple hours later, my cell phone stolen while trying to buy a new camera. I got home to a laptop that wouldn’t work, a dog that broke out in such dangerously outrageous hives that she had to be given iv shots of Steroids and Antihistamines. For several days the drugs continued. She’s allergic to atmospheric mold. The rain and the humidity, the continuing dampness that has fallen over the city, it hit her hard. A stoned dog is a funny dog though, as they look up at you with eyes that question why everyone, including you, look like a polka dotted cat in their eyes. Then my job, the restaurant, the owner has lost his mind. He took me aside and berated me and insulted me in a way I have never quite experienced. His reasons were flimsy at best, his excuses were centered around tables that weren’t even mine. He didn’t care. It was his need for power that prevailed in those moments. For the first time in years I cried at work, because of work. At 36, I am too old to work at a job , for an owner, who gets off on that type of behavior.
And this is why I have been quiet. I now have a phone, after much runaround from T Mobile and the NYC Police Department. I have a hive free dog after many hundreds of dollars. I have a lap top that with the costly addition of plug in keyboards and optical mice, works again, sort of. I have an unpaid internship in something I love and an evening job that I haven’t been able to replace due to the unfriendly job market. My boss’s new trick is sending me home super early, so I only make $20 or $30 dollars. I won’t be able to pay my bills this month and he will get off on having so much power to effect harm upon someone else’s life.