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That’s what I am thinking, as I sit here trying to rework my resume and figure it all out. By it I mean the big “IT”. A friend asked me today if I have ever had one of those days where I felt like I didn’t accomplish anything? I laughed and responded that I feel like I have had one of those LIVES.

You see, if you have been a regular reader, you know that in just a couple years I have lost my business, my condo, my dog, etc. I have taken quite the beating by the recession in the last couple years. This wasn’t just to my psyche, but also to my wallet. I think I have officially hit the poorest I have ever been. Not something that I want to put on my list of accomplishments. I know that my resume now is a hodge podge, it makes no sense without the story that I need to tell. Once I can get an interview, I’m usually quite good, but it’s getting in the door. In this job market especially, it’s impossible. I spent the last 9 months giving birth to what I thought was going to be a promised salaried professional position in my field, only to have it be stillborn a few weeks ago. Apparently, after 9 months of free full time labor, they are going a different direction. The reality, I think they want that showy degree’d Marketing Executive for their funding rounds and just didn’t have the balls to tell me that all along. So, I thought it was a good investment in myself and my future, that is why I invested my time and energy into it. That’s why I got a bit poorer, because there was a light through the tunnel. Turns out I was wrong. Now I am really in need of help.

I have the skills, the talent, the innovative way of thinking to do quite well, but it’s how I got HERE that is the confusing part. I didn’t do the typical college degree, know what I want from my life. I was an artist, I apprenticed. I’ve lived in 4 states before turning 30, 3 of which I moved myself to, always in search of growth and expansion. I founded and ran my own business for 4 years. To some this is a hiccup or a negative. Entrepreneurial spirit is a plus, actual entrepreneurs are not. So, I have realized that I need to bring in some big guns to rise to the top of the applicants pool. To stand out I need several things:

  •  I need to revamp a personal branded page and write the shit out of industry topics on there for ME and MY future, so that I have something solid to start showing.
  • I need pro head shots… if I want to compete with professionals, I need to have some solid images that aren’t taken with my iPhone.
  • I need to join some paid industry membership groups. There is insider info there that I am not getting.
  • New branded cards to match new branded image.
  • VITAL is the resume. I contacted a designer who specializes in infographic resumes. Telling a story. Capturing attention.

Many of you are in traditional career paths and you don’t understand why the hell I need THESE things. A traditional resume should be fine. Head shots? A branded page?! Social Media Marketing is a complex niche that is different in almost every way. WE are our own brand, and need to represent as such. We need to show innovative use of the tools we use, like infographics, analytics, twitter, google+, reddit. We have to push ourselves as we would push a client in a campaign. Sell it big and sell it fast. Engage. We only get on average 5 seconds looking at that cv/resume, so make it the best 5 seconds they have spent. You may still think it’s “poppycock”, but I know this niche and I belong here, I just can’t get in the door through the traditional job hunting actions.

So, this is all fine and good… but the issue with all of the above is cost. I think most teenagers have more cash than I do. I can’t keep falling in the same hole though. I need to jump to the next level and be recognized for my talents and I’m not getting there the traditional routes. When I started this post, I hadn’t planed to end it this way, but I am. I took a moment to go to ChipIn and create a page. I need help. The chipin page has a title about organics, ignore that. It’s linked in with a paypal which was a business account for an old business I was involved in. I can’t change it, but it isn’t a lure to trap you or get you to fund something else. It’s just PayPal and their lack of flexibility.

Again, I am humbly asking for help because I can’t do this alone. I deserve the career and the financial success that others around me have, I deserve all of that and more, and I need a little leg up to get my feet in the door. Please, instead of that extra beer, or afternoon latte, what do you say and you throw a blogger a little bit as a thank you for keeping you entertained all these years, and mostly, as a way of recognizing that sometimes we all just need a little help reaching our potential and that we deserve to be able to fully realize our goals, even if they require the assistance of others to get there.

Thank you everyone. Here is my chipin page .http://socialmediageek.chipin.com

Please also share it with friends via Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Tumblr, etc. There is a widget there that allows you to also attach that widget to your own sites.

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Funny how a simple kiss on the cheek can feel far more tender and disarming than any words he could have said. We had a simple lunch on Saturday at his house and when I left, he kissed me on the cheek, and it left me more confused than sleeping with him did. Disconnecting for a few days to see what it’s about.

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Ages right? I guess I have been avoiding you all. There are multiple things I have been hiding, trying to keep for me and me alone.

 

  1. A crush on a boy I met on the street. Only, after bumping into each other several times over a couple months and even texting one night, it hasn’t gone anywhere.
  2. Some sex-capades and conversations and the like with someone you might not approve of.
  3. A health scare that I haven’t been able to get checked out yet due to lack of insurance, which is a frustrating mess in Massachusetts. Health care for all, my ASS. Been trying for months and my application STILL hasn’t been processed.

So, that’s it. That’s why I have been avoiding you all. I’m not in the mood lately to date as I want/need to figure out this health thing, and frankly, I just don’t have the energy for the douche bags since my dog died. It’s all too much drama.

How is everything else though? My career is still doing more fits than starts. I thought I found the right fit, only to realize that it most certainly is seeming not to be. Difficult week in that regards. I have started exercising again though and even played my first EVER game of basketball. I made two baskets and was told that I am a helluva natural defensive player. Ha. That’s the Brooklyn in me, yo!

I hope everyone is well.

 

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I’ve had an interesting few days. A date with a reserved Slavic by way of Canada, some continued light Internet flirting and chatting with a science minded geek in San Diego who will be coming through Boston for business and a mid week dinner date of Ethiopian with moi, as well as some unexpected heavy Internet flirting with an uber hot design geek from Va who travels through my area a couple times a month, the next trip being a few days from now, which ends my week sitting across from him at a sushi spot. I could think of worse ways to end my week.

Well, now you are wondering why I have dates with two men that live far away. Impossible situtions you say. Except that when you factor in how much I saw Type Geek when he was juggling clients and travel, what’s the difference? If I see one of them once a month, that beats some of Type Geek’s scheduling. And with the hot, did I say HOT, VA design man coming through my area a couple times a month anyway, well, that isn’t bad to start. After researching them both , aka “googling”, both are decent guys but the heavy crush falls on VA. I feel slightly weird about that because he’s in the same field as Type Geek and is maybe even more well known and/or successful and… also bald. Luckily he doesn’t harbor any of the Slave Leia fetish fantasies, so I won’t have nights of roleplaying any geek boy “obi wan, save me” storylines. Not that roleplaying isn’t fun, it is, but sci-fi & fantasy scenarios just don’t get ME off. Nonetheless, Apparently I have a thing for hot bald designer geeks. I think it is the way this particular subsect of designers, such as the Type Geeks and Hot VA’s of the design world, how they look at and think about the world. Regardless the reason, Hot VA is an evening I am quite looking forward too. Now I need to squeeze in a wax, manicure and a bang trim… cause you never know.
  

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I haven’t posted this yet, even though it’s days old news, partly cause I feel like an asshole. And, rightfully so. 

Prior to realizing that Jack/Cusack dj friend had the hots for me, I made dinner plans with him for Saturday Night. I wasn’t considering it a date. I wasn’t making a date night with him, except apparently I was, which was fully realized after he began to kiss on me the other night. So, I feigned illness. To be fair, I did have one hell of a headache earlier in the day and it did linger through the evening. He was dissapointed and felt stood up but told me to feel better. 

With no plans for the evening now, I considered my options. Walking by the theatre, the movie choices were less than thrilling. Buy a book and read at Starbucks for hours? I was not only bored, but I was also feeling the need for some companionship. I was kinda lonely. I texted this gentleman, a divorced art major turned tech geek, whom I had hung out with a couple times prior. I can’t figure him out. Is he interested? Is he not? Is he attractive? Is he not? Is he interesting and funny … Or ? 

He was setting up his new xBox when I messaged him. Looking for a better Saturday night, he agreed to meet me in an hour for coffee. So, we met up and decided that 6 was too late for coffee and cocktails sounded far better. Three cocktails later and some dinner sounded even better. Our conversation flows smoothly enough but it always strikes as far more friendly than anything else. He doesn’t touch me and I don’t ever feel like he’s flirting. He likes hanging out enough to invite me to another lounge for 1 more drink and then , when leaving, I state that i’m going to walk to the taxi stand at Harvard, rather than Central, he asks if he can walk back with me, even though it’s the opposite direction. At the taxi stand he goes in for a real smooch, not a cheek. So, if you want to kiss me, don’t wait til the end and just do it already. 

A friend of mine in so-cal says ” he just wanted sex that night” and ” he’s just not that into me” as explanations for the behavior. Ok, so he’s a dick and I’m undesireable? That’s what he has for advice. That’s for shite. Newly divorced men are confused, insecure and out of practice. I should really stop asking my single male friends advice on men, because these friends are most probably single cause they are retarded.

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I woke today with the giggles of two young girls crawling into my bed. 3 and 7, my “nieces” are the most incredible children I have known. It was 70 degrees at 9 am when they slowly opened the door and ran under the covers. My best friends were asleep and it was sweet perfection for the half hour  that the girls and I laid in bed chatting. While my friends snuck in an extra couple of hours of sleep, taking advantage of my presence keeping the kids at a slightly quieter tone than normal, I made a traditional Southern New Year’s Day brunch complete with braised ham hocks, Hoppin’ John, collards, pan roasted potatoes, and poached eggs. Once they awoke, we sat together outside, the sun on our faces, and ate too much and laughed just enough. I miss them terribly and wish my reality was a bit closer to theirs, rather than on the other coast. Perhaps that is a change I need to consider.

This year begins a lot differently than last. Last year I was in love with a complicated man, still technically owned my home, still technically owned a small business, although both were in the end process of being given back and dismantled, respectively. I had the very best dog, who was also one of my most dearest friends. Just when I thought my own personal identity couldn’t be anymore shook up, it was. Tested is barely scratching the surface with regards to how I felt many times over. Tortured is definitely how I felt most often.

I don’t believe in Resolutions. I don’t think I did anything necessarily wrong or bad to encourage the harsh events that had unfolded around me in 2011. Will I love less? No. Will I love differently? Quite probably. Each time we love someone, a new person or a past person, the love is a little bit different. It’s nearly impossible to ever love quite the same as you have previously. So, what will the year bring. I have hopes for it. I have wishes and dreams and preferences, but none of these things I can predict as the truth. I have come to learn, through my many painful experiences, that I have far less control over the outcome of things that I once believed.

 

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The last year has seen a lot of loss. Finalizing the closure of the business. Foreclosing on the condo. Ending the “relationship” with Type Geek. Transition to bad flat mate scenario, bad job scenario and ugh, bad dates. Through it all, I always had a goofy faced dog to keep me from throwing myself in front of the proverbial bus. On Sunday, at midnight, my darling dog passed away. She was young, too young. The cancer was a fucking unkind aggressive cunt and took my little girl before she was ready. I wish I could say it was peaceful. It wasn’t. She was confused, she was sad, and mostly she was terrified. When she finally realized she was about to die she began to wail. She didn’t want to go. 5.5 years… the day before she’s doing flips and playing and chasing squirrels. She didn’t understand why she couldn’t just go home and do that tomorrow. Why she woke up feeling awful and why that awful kept getting worse until she couldn’t move and couldn’t breathe and couldn’t live.  We tried to stop the bleeding, so she could have a few more days, say goodbye, see her friends one last time. That didn’t happen. At midnight I had to put her down and it was the worst experience of my life. My last dog went in peace. She was ready. She understood. The cancer gave us time. This time, it kicked us in the heart and ripped us apart in 12 hours. I miss her. I wasn’t ready yet either.

Here is a photo of us snuggling over the summer. We had quite the active day prior and we were in full on lazy nap and cuddles mode.

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