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Archive for the ‘LMFAO’ Category

This is pretty much the funniest thing I have seen in a good long while. Satan, nibbles, and sex… by Steve Hughes

 

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I found out about this great new blog in which this man analyzes okcupid profiles that readers send it. I had to.

“Dude, this is OKCupid, not some improvisational tell-us-about-yourself team-building game. There are rules here. You can’t just hijack a question and only tangentially answer it. The one word from your response that belongs here is “sushi,” and given that you live in the middle of Bumfuck, Virginia, I can’t imagine that the sushi you’ve been eating is very good.”

and so, you can find the rest of the posting here: inspectingcupid  Enjoy!

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Those are the odds of sitting across from someone who has been reading my blog for 2 years, whose own blog I have read and commented on as well. For 3 hours we sat, barely saying words to each other, until for some reason the topic of sexuality came up. Then, she says, “I read this blog about this girl that was gay for ten years and now dates men…”. I reached my hand across the table and introduced myself. Amusing day. Nice to meet one of my readers. Even nicer when she is rad.

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ok, so:

Nothing happened with Virginia. He flaked on our second date and then decided he didn’t have any time to spare, even just for a casual sexual rendezvous type of thing. Bummer, cause he REALLY turned me on. Sigh.

Went out for dinner with the Slavic tech guy again. YAWN. Nothing there. NOTHING.

Met up with a friend for cocktails after that dinner with Slavic, yet again that friend kissed me goodnight, but he shows NO interest while we are hanging out. I’m too hot not to be touched. If you want me, take a page from Virginia’s book and put your hands on my arm, my ankles… kiss me DURING the time we are hanging out. Look AT me and not away. Not feeling desired = hey, we are friends and you will NEVER get me naked. NEXT

That’s it right now. The prospects aren’t good. I’ve got some morons who can’t spell…

“Hi georgious.hope to know u and read from u soon…..”
That barely has me keeping my clothes on. Damn!

“We’re you caught speeding lately?
Cause you have got FINE written all over you…”
Oh my god, so fucking witty. I’m ready and primed for you now! Really?! Does this work on some women?

So, that’s my current status. I’m considering asking my readers to set me up with hot geeks. Know any hot geeks?!

P.s. Here is a shout out to my Married Canadian friend who reads along. We had dinner the other night and were talking about my exploits and recent lack of exploits and after a few laughs, he mentioned seeing himself in here… so, here you are M.C. How aboot that? 😉

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Type Geek sends me a text tonight using something I lent him 10 months ago as an excuse for trying to meet up. Really? Are you a total moron Type Geek. The timing is interesting. I’m wondering if he perhaps saw Hot Virginia (need a good name for him, don’t know)and I on Friday night. We WERE in his hood, it’s possible. You snoozy and ignory for year and a halfy and you lose-y.

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I guess it is my fault for even considering him to begin with. There was something boyish and scruffy about him , something funny and snarky, something different, I guess. So, I made the date.

My first warning sign should have been the… You plan it and tell me when and where. Umm, no. You want to take me out… YOU plan it.

Then, in rapid succession came every reason and flaming red flag ever needed:

He works a job he isn’t passionate about yet he isn’t strategizing a next move. He’s content with mediocrity.

When I responded past a text of his with two other flirty texts later in the day, his response was to ask if I had Verizon, because he doesn’t have unlimited texts. Way to respond to a hot girl text flirting with you buddy.

The night before our date it became clear that he hadn’t considered planning it when he said, so I’m thinking Chinese cause of your allergy. Um, I can’t do Chinese… Other than pizza and beer it’s one of the worst choices for me. Then he says, well, how about Mexican? To which I respond that it can sometimes be okay but that he should just pick a place and call them and ask whether they can accommodate my allergy. Then, as if he isn’t listening, I realized his third choice  showed the bigger issue motivating his picks, he’s cheap. He chose a vegan/veg place that is really only known for their pizzas. I mentioned that vegan places use gluten as their meat substitutes and rely on bread and pasta as mainstays in the meal. “So, eat vegetables then.” That’s what he said. Hey, way to show a girl a good time.

At 33, he lives with his parents and couldn’t answer the question regarding his exit timeline and strategy.

So, dread dread dread. I cancelled a few hours before, with an excuse regarding work, because I felt it was kinder than the truth. In the end, his response was brilliant, for a man-child.  “That’s too bad, because I was looking forward to our date.  You ruined my day and I’m mad at you for it.” IF I had actually been caught up at work, he just secured himself supportive asshole of the year award and no chance in hell of a redo.

He reminded me of that Chris Elliot show Get A Life when he was a 30 yr old paper boy living above his parent’s garage. Perhaps our date would have ended with my finding out that he stole his dad’s car and was actually unlicensed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQolt4lI4wM

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