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Posts Tagged ‘photography’

In the last few days several things have become clearer to me. Type Geek and I haven’t spoken in-depth. We haven’t spoken on the phone. Barely any text messages, elusive, side stepping, unforgiving. I think I am the warm body to shoo away his loneliness. I think I am the distraction from the cold, from the empty, from the thoughts that keep him awake. I think he is still chasing the lustful dangerous idea of feverish love, love so hot it burns you, but never reaches inside. I think he is afraid to be seen. While I am afraid of not seeing. As a photographer, I sit and stare. I soak in. I see everyone and everything. One of the greatest gifts I have to offer is my sight. If only he could see that and stand before me, let me see what I already know. Let him feel what I see. Let him know that he is loved.

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Brooklyn Boy commented tonight,” You really are infatuated with me, aren’t you?” . I was taken aback. I don’t really like the term infatuation, to me it stinks of reckless teenage crushes. I was also mildly offended for a moment. He then said,”well, cause I am too, so that’s good.” I laughed and asked if he was infatuated with himself and he smirked.  When I got home I found an email from him with a self-portrait. I loved it. A closeup of his jaw, lips and scarf wrapped neck. Very much the style of photo taking that I gravitate towards.  I commented back, lamenting that his handsomeness is killing me. I also voiced issue with the use of the term infatuated, stating that for me, it is more of a deep admiration and appreciation for him, and that I like him more than the average bear. His reply was that for him, he did believe infatuation was what he was feeling, perhaps without the extravagant foolishness and that he likes my intensity and finds me very “hot”. The boy makes me laugh.

We met for a pot of tea and a chocolate chip cookie after he got off work. I was supposed to meet my Foreigner friend for an early dinner in the area of Brooklyn’s office, since I was in an area close to the Foreigner’s home, but I received a text canceling 5 minutes before we were to meet. Grrrr, Foreigner boy… grrr.

Brooklyn told his soon to be ex-wife that he joined a dating site. She was none too pleased. She believed he was moving on too rapidly it seems. The issue with divorces is, one person is always done far sooner than another. He is ready to move on because the relationship has been dead to him for longer than she is admitting to herself. He did not tell her about me in particular, at least she has not yet asked if he has been seeing anyone yet. This isn’t need to know info. Specifics do no one any good. There was someone who she had been interested, or at least it now seems that perhaps she SAID she was interested in, just to receive a reaction. His reaction was ,”wooh! Go for it!”, not exactly what she thought. He wants her to be happy. He knows that they will never be truly happy together, they haven’t been for a very long time, regardless of previous separations and therapy. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is let them go. Allow them the opportunity, and yourself, to be loved as you both deserve to be.

With that said, I promised the 25-year-old a make out session this weekend cause I keep blowing him off for dates all week and a really cool photographer winked at me on one of the dating sites. He used a quote from one of my favorite films. It was a film that my ex-fiance found to be “trite and pedestrian”. Fuck her, the pretentious douche bag. I happen to LOVE the movie.This of course earned the winking photographer some points in my book, and a reply.

I need some action soon. I could get it from Brooklyn but I want to wait until his mess is a bit more compartmentalized. Currently, it is a little too cluttered. I adore him and would like the opportunity to truly see what it could be about BUT, until he is 85% free and living on his own, I am going to continue to casually date other people and potentially get laid by someone.I need to avoid getting too wrapped up in Brooklyn’s saga… a distraction would be good. There is too much potential to become a rebound relationship for Brooklyn if I go blindly down this road. I want both eyes open for this journey, not only to avoid any unnecessary negative ramifications, but also, because he is so gosh darn pretty to look at.

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Two words … AWE  SOME !! So, we are gonna call this boy, Brooklyn Boy. Only started speaking to him on Thursday. He winked at me on one of those sites and I didn’t respond. He didn’t have a profile pic. I do NOT respond to contact from faceless boy wonders. A day later, I get an email. I read it, wtf, why not?! Ok, so, he’s clever but still NO picture. His mini bio talks about Brooklyn though, I love Brooklyn. I miss Brooklyn dearly. So, against my usual better wishes, I click into his full profile to see more. He has a secondary photo that is slightly arty and a little too distant, BUT it shows that he is at least not obese or bald. Fine, I email him back. I do let him know that I am ONLY emailing because he mentioned Brooklyn, because I do NOT normally respond to profiles without pics. Of course he has an explanation for this. He’s only been on the site 36 hours and the other photos haven’t posted yet.

We spend Thursday evening passing back and forth many emails filled with witty banter. Friday morning he asks me to meet him for coffee or tea later in the afternoon. His eagerness isn’t off-putting, it doesn’t smell of desperation. He tells me that the profile photos have finally been approved and posted to the site. I check them out and sigh a happy sigh of relief and get a little giddy because he is quite attractive. Huge warm and happy, yet slightly goofy smile with bright joyful eyes and yay, lots of hair. I have realized I love hair. On the heads of men I find attractive I mean, cause we all know, I don’t like hair. Hello, next waxing appointment!? Anyway, head hair is a major tactile part of the making out experience for me. Anyway, I digress. He’s super attractive and since he emailed me his personal email in the body of the dating site email, I was able to Google him and be wonderfully impressed that he has made it his career to make the world a place that is safe and “right”  for everyone. Ok, he is handsome, he is interested in me, he is someone who is admirable and respectable, and he is from Brooklyn. Of course I agree to meet him for coffee / tea.

We meet outside of a train station and greet each other with warm smiles and a kind friendly hug. We decide to walk to a coffee-house a few blocks away and sit and talk. We get his “complication” out in the open quickly. He is seperated. Not yet divorced but working towards the finalizing of said marriage and he has two young children. He shows me a photo and they are two of the most beautiful children I have seen. (My nieces, who rock, are, by far, the MOST beautiful EVER. No offense to anyone.) Ok, minor complication but not a huge thing. We all have had prior relationships and hell, this is just tea.

Only, is it just tea? We sat for a couple of hours at the café and chatted, about Brooklyn, photography, his ex, my exes (I had not yet told him about the gender of said exes), our dogs, his career, my business, how much we are both a bit Meh about this city and life. We just talked about life. He started to get heavy talking about the dissolution of his marriage when I made an executive decision that we needed something to lighten the mood. We needed cupcakes. So, I stuck him back on the train and drug him to my favorite place for a couple of rum soaked, vanilla and lime infused, butter cream topped nomnomnommy cupcakes. And life was good again.

I walked him back to his office, on the way back to the train, so he could pick up his things. He is fascinating. He invited me on a trip to NYC next week. I would, but I can’t because of prior commitments. The trip itself, the event he is attending, is a once in a lifetime event. I could try to juggle things but my going on an overnight trip with him now, it would lessen this somehow. Do I want the event or am I curious about this crazy connection we seem to be feeling? Did I mention the strange fact that we lived between 4-6 blocks from each other in Brooklyn in 1999 and worked 2 blocks from each other in Manhattan? We rode the same train everyday and never met. I find that fascinating.

We parted ways at the train station with a hug that was warmer and more date like than it began. I walked away with a smirk. I sent him a text on the train, thanking him for being such a pleasant surprise. At the exact time I hit send, I received a text from him, thanking me for being so spontaneous and meeting him today. We shared a few more texts, then some emails and before you knew it, we had chatted on Google chat for 4 hours.

I like him, without a well, but, meh, eh or hmm. Yes, there is the divorce thing. But really, that is what it is. This is an interesting development. Oh, and I asked him how the online dating has been for him so far. He blushed and admitted that he only signed up to meet me and by his reaction, I knew it was sincere. This IS going to be an interesting adventure, I already can tell.

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Okay, okay. I walked into my favorite coffee shop, nodded at my favorite barista and wave to Mr Pro Photo. He stands up to greet me and…damn, is he short. Super short. Like, my height short. Initial reaction is hmm, not very dynamic in person. In a way, he reminds me of one of the 7 dwarfs,perhaps more of a mix of both Bashful and Sleepy. Something about his face and the way he carries himself. He isn’t a sexy creature. He seems nice, he seems kind, he seems vaguely boring.

Apparently, he is also vaguely non chivalrous. I bought my coffee, my sushi, and my hot chocolate. When I reached for my wallet and he didn’t even suggest that he pay for my dinner on the date he asked me out on, I was a little annoyed. I wasn’t expecting it, but I would have liked him to at least have made the offer. It makes a girl feel wanted on a first date, pursued, as if she is worthy of the investment of a dinner.

We had good conversation at dinner though, and at coffee, but I wasn’t feeling physical chemistry. I wasn’t feeling desired by him at all.He would make comments, about my fingers, about how sexy I looked with his hat on, but his words felt like they could have come out of the mouth of one of my gay boy friends. Great, he thinks I look sexy and I should “WORK IT, GIRL”. 

After dinner, we walked around a bit and decided on hitting the big box book store around the corner because, quite frankly, it was freezing out. After an hour and a half of wasting time making fun of some books, checking out Tashen’s collection of inappropriate photo books, the Suicide Girls collection, and finally, a Would You Rather of Sex/Dating. It was amusing and I could feel him staring at me a few times in that yearnful way, BUT he SHOWED no interest.

I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt though, to see if he could turn it around and make it feel like a DATE, rather than two pals hanging out. We walked a bit more after leaving the bookstore and I laughed when I received a photo text message from Jewish Internet Webcam Sex Master. He thought it proper to send me a photo of his hard cock in his jeans. How can I NOT be appreciative when he tells me he is thinking of me and sends such delightful gifts? I laughed hysterically and brushed it off when Mr Pro Photo asked what I was laughing at. I explained that it would be too difficult to give the long back story. He nodded and didn’t ask further. Again, it was freezing and so we decided to get hot chocolate at the café near our respective modes of public transportation. Again, he didn’t even offer to pick up the hot chocolate. Now, I do not NEED someone to take care of me BUT c’mon, it’s a first date! Also, you have heard tonight that my business is suffering in the recession and my condo lost over a third of its value. You can’t buy me a hot chocolate?

I might hang out again as friends, but on a date? Not unless he starts acting like he wants to date me. Show that you are invested in getting to know me… in some way. I came home and snuggled on the couch with my pooch while texting back and forth with my Future Lawyer about our next make out session and IM chatting with the Dental Student about our days. Overall, a pleasant end to a mediocre day.

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