Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘straight’

This is pretty much the funniest thing I have seen in a good long while. Satan, nibbles, and sex… by Steve Hughes

 

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

I’m watching The Road. The film leaves you unable to consider things other than the greater What If’s in our lives. Who would we die for, who would die for us, are the memories that serve us in times of  pain, fear and utter desolation real? Have they adjusted themselves to somehow serve some other purpose? False memories to comfort and soothe in times when we are unsure of everything that surrounds us.

There are moments of loneliness in longer term casual dating. Even in the greatest moments of heat, you are left in a tepid sort of aerial holding pattern. You can never get too lost in someone, but you are ensconced just enough to create the illusion that it is possible.

I have finally shaken off the gut ache that came from the dissolution of my affair with Cooper Fiennes. Do I have love for him? Por supuesto! Of course. I have been thinking a lot about why I found it safe enough to be emotionally vulnerable with the man who was temporary, but have stayed at a distance from the one who is the archetype for boyfriend material; stable, kind, hardworking, dedicated, sweet and gentle. What is so wrong with that? Why does that translate to boring or less desirable? Why is stable and gentle a bad thing? Is it a lack of chemistry with Type Geek or a fear of actually committing to a relationship with a man and what that really means for my identity?

Straight girl? Lesbian? Bi? Queer? Who the fuck is this person I am inhabiting?

Read Full Post »

6 months ago I started this blog with no idea where I would be in a week, let alone 6 months. I just wanted to start chronicling the journey. Surely I wasn’t the first gay woman to suddenly question her predilections, let alone act on her heterosexual curiosity. I remember thinking that I was going to generate a lot of back lash from the gay segment of my personal community. Interestingly enough, the hetero’s were the ones that were the most resistant. As if I had tasted something they hadn’t and subsequently I wasn’t allowed back in their house with my proverbially soiled feet. I almost lost one friendship with a friend of nearly 20 years, until I finally called him on his insecurities. Interestingly, some of the men in my life were angry. How could I, after that many years, suddenly jump the fence, without considering THEM an option. Many of them are married or partnered up, by the way. So, their egos were bruised. In the end, all friendships remain in tact and everyone is fine with, what now appears to be, my ho-hum, incident free crossing into this other country.

The one thing I haven’t settled on, however, is what am I defining myself as? Do I need to be defining myself? I don’t feel straight. I definitely no longer feel gay. Am I queer? If forced to make a verbal statement? I’m not sure.

At Pride last weekend, in conversation with my former neighbor, she told me about how many of her friends are now half-gay. Not bisexual, not gay, NOT straight but sorta in this ambiguous middle ground of mixed greys. Half-gay. Interesting.

Have any of you noticed a recent jump in your GLBT friends making changes in their predilections? Have you done so personally? Tell me your stories.

Read Full Post »

My dance card is interesting these days. I have two great lovers and I’m just kinda doing my thing. I am still chatting up other people and getting to know people online, but as of yet, I haven’t been going on any new dates. It feels a little weird and I am not sure how a third could fit into my pleasant little world. 

I have had a slightly cute, but increasingly less interesting as the days went on, chat going on from one of the online sites, and I have been feeling overwhelmed as I over thought it all. First let me explain about the guy I was chatting with. He has that pseudo intellectual, as in non-skinny jean wearing, hipster musician/designer thing going. He wants to meet me, I have blown him off now twice, the more I thought about whether I could fit him into this mix of two boys, the more I was just feeling frazzled, PLUS, and I know this might seem weird and hypocritical coming from me,but,  he has had extensive experiences with men, and I find it slightly a turn off. He isn’t bisexual, he says. He is straight.  I guess maybe my turn off is a two-fold one. 1) gay male sex has never turned me on. Man on man action, hmm, pass. maybe because it is such an unknown, because I can’t wiggle into that equation. In lesbian sex, I have a place, in straight sex, I have found my place. As a woman though, I have no place in gay male sex. 2) I know he was a bottom and I like my men to top me a bit. Finding out he was bottom killed any mental hard on I was coming up with when I first saw his picture and profile. Sigh.  So, I keep canceling. He is now on vacation, so, if he contacts me when he gets back next week, we shall see how we are feeling.

How awful does this make me that I expect others not to judge my sexual past, but I appear to be judging his? Am I judging the past though? I really think it might be that I am afraid he would be incapable of being the type of dominate/aggressive male lover I like. Feedback people. What do you think?!

Read Full Post »

I was perusing around http://www.engrish.com today and found this hysterical shirt, which basically sums up my feelings towards men and my newly adventurous sexuality in just one sentence. Thank you Engrish for making me laugh my ass off.

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: