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Archive for the ‘Amateurs’ Category

I had two dates this past week that I was looking forward to, both men traveling through Boston. The science geek from San Diego and the designer from Virginia. I will make part of the details brief, because one of them barely deserves the mention.

San Diego is the most contrary and obstinate of men. He walked in strong, being tall and handsome with okay style… really, all he needed to do was not say anything dumb. Alas, everything he said was dumb and, unlike most scientists who are fixated on fact, he liked to argue inarguable points, such as Barcelona being located in the North Eastern region of Spain. Apparently, his once being in a region to the North West of it suddenly relocated Barcelona to the South Eastern part of the country. I had to pull up a map on my iPhone to get him to stop arguing, and then, he responds, well, it is South East of where I was. That is like calling Westchester UPSTATE New York cause you live in Manhattan.

At 7:08 pm on Friday night, Virginia appeared at my door. I stepped out, we looked at each other and each of us knowingly smiled. A hug and kiss on the cheek began our 7 hour date. At no time was there awkward silence, uncomfortable conversation, frustration or misunderstandings. There was no needing to find a way to relate, we just did. He genuinely complimented me throughout the evening in a way that was gentlemanly but also cheeky and flirty. We drank, laughed, talked seriously about our exes, our lives, and life. After our great dinner, we went next door to a great bar and grabbed a back booth and continued. It felt like I have always known him and it was extremely comfortable. I kicked my heels off towards the end of the evening and put my feet beside him on the booth, to which he grabbed my feet and started massaging them. Really?! Thank you! At some point, after he had been running his hand along my feet and ankles for an hour, I needed him closer, so partly to have an excuse, and partly because it was so loud in there, I told him to sit next to me because I couldn’t hear him. A little while later, we were looking at a YouTube video on my phone and, when our heads were really close, I turned to him and said, “you can kiss me if you’d like.” Of course he would like. So, some smooches in the booth, then in the car as we waited for it to heat up, then outside my house as he was dropping me off. As I was getting out of the car, he called me back over to him and gave me one more smooch. Sigh. When I got out of that car and walked to my door, the night seemed a little less dark.

By the way, we have another date for Wednesday and YES, I am MAJORLY crushing on him.

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I ran into a friend today, one I had a brief crush on a couple of years back and whom I thank the universe for not ever allowing us to hook up because I would have KILLED him. He was headed out for his 4th date with this 30-year-old woman whom he said needed to spice it up a bit. She was too sane, too calm. He likes crazy 25 year olds because they are unpredictable, but he complains because they don’t want a relationship. Hmm. Ok, he complains he can’t find someone our age who is wacky and fun, that as women age we become lame. Umm, I am NOT lame, but this is NOT about me. So, he yammers on a bit and then says that he has 15 minutes to get to his date, on bike, and he is in Somerville, in Davis Square, needing to get down Mass Ave to Newbury Street in Back Bay, which is a good 15 or 20 BY CAR. Hmm. He plans to BIKE in 84 degree weather, across town, so quickly that he will be gross and sweaty, and meet this girl for a date in which he wants her to step it up?! Maybe if he wasn’t wearing a Toucan Sam shirt, covered in sweat on a DATE. If he can’t take her seriously enough to arrive at a date dressed nicely and showered, why should she step it up for him?

Seriously though, I looked around the bar I work at and tonight I noticed so many men wearing man-dles (man sandles, flip flops, etc), sneakers, white tube socks, free promotional schwag t-shirts, and being generally unkempt. These men took 5 minutes to get ready for their date, and that including getting their keys and grabbing the ever wishful condom. Meanwhile, their lady friends showered, shaved, touched up their nails, put on make up, primped the hair, brushed their teeth, and spritzed a little parfum on the way out the door.

MEN… here is a HINT. If you want a woman to fuck you, you have to give us reason to. Clean it up. If you can’t show a little style a few hours every week, for us, why should we wear non cotton underwear, invest in Brazilians, shave the legs, and put on sexy heels for you? If your date showed up in baggy jeans, with unshaven legs, a promo alcohol t-shirt, dirty sneakers, unbrushed hair, no make up, and smelling like she just biked 10 miles in 10 minutes, would you want to fuck her?

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This time of year leaves me restless. Feeling like I am in limbo. Neither warm enough to run around flaunting my cuteness or cold enough to sit in cozy bars and lament the winter. It is as if some great force above has the remote and hit pause. 

Meanwhile…. I continue to recieve messages on OkCupid such as this:

Hi

// Mar 28, 2011 – 1:19pm

I don’t want to date you. I just wanted to say hi. I like your glasses. I’m not nearly as inept as my message to you might imply. I sometimes am a very good communicator. I like your glasses a lot. I have a feeling you’re pretty nice to know. I might like to know you. I have a feeling you wouldn’t like to know me since I don’t have a profile filled out. I could give you reasons as to why that’s the case. I keep starting each sentence with “I”. I hope that doesn’t pause to consider me an egomaniac. I just like the letter “I”. It’s short and to the point. I have a feeling you might think I’m peculiar and odd, yet wonderfully cute and silly. I don’t know.

Hi.

26% Enemy 79% Friend 65% Match Message from …. (perhaps I should respect his privacy)

Does this approach usually work for him?

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