Archive for July, 2011

When I was a little girl I loved John Cougar (Mellencamp). I still do in fact. Even when I was (my stylist loves this bit) GOTH (yes, you can stop laughing now), even then, I secretly rocked out to the simplicity of JCM’s world. If you liked someone, you just hung out at ice cream shops in the summer, it wasn’t so hard. But JCM’s world didn’t have lesbians that suddenly find themselves in love with the barnyard after swimming with the fishes for the majority of their adult romantic life. JCM’s world didn’t have complex behavioral disorders that resulted in emotional detachments. It had Jack and Diane, Link Pink Houses, and in his later years, it had him asking us to dance naked for him. None of these are so bad. I’d dance naked for Type Geek anytime. SIGH.

Apparently some people, other than Type Geek, wanted me to dance naked for them. The other night at work I was hit on by 2 people. Often I will get flirted with by one gentleman in an evening. Two is above normal though, especially considering that one was a woman. I must have sent out some sort of vibes, because that just doesn’t happen. I did tell both that I am seeing someone, which made the man respond that he was “fine with that”. French men, geez. I then said that I was in love with this other person and that I needed to decline his advances, which made him slip me $20. Huh, what? Apparently I do tricks for money, like give out numbers or get so impressed I will leave someone whom I am crazy about, for a French schoolteacher with piercings. Maybe I would have considered it once, before Type Geek, but not now. The girl? She was an adorable sweetheart, and IF not for TG, and had I still been interested in the ladies, if I could pull any interest together, I would have  jumped at a date with her.

So, I’m yearning for easy. For simple. A Saturday afternoon drive to a boardwalk, barefoot stroll through damp sand, with a cherry dipped vanilla soft serve in my hand. That isn’t what I am getting though. There is something I am not telling you all, that I may eventually, but that at this time, I believe needs to remain out of this blog. There is something I know now about Type Geek that keeps me here, keeps me trying, even on days most people would walk away. Trust then that while I may not completely know what I am doing, I am not completely walking blindly down a dangerous path.

With all of that said, I am on google+ and would like to invite you all to come say hello. You can find me by the name “Jane Michaels”, another pen name which I use. Hope to see you all on google+, and I hope that you are all enjoying your summers, replete with cherry dipped softserve.

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I’ve never been as lonely as I have in those moments when I am missing him.
When I am seeking his voice on a day when 5 seconds on the telephone would make weeks of grey clouds clear.
When I hear people, celebrating, or just gathering together as friends on their decks on hot summer nights, and I can’t reach him, this is when I feel alone.

I’m in a moment of questioning. I have big answers now, but they don’t seem to make the questions fewer. I want the answer from the universe. Why? Why did you put us together, Type Geek and I? Am I supposed to teach him something, or visa versa? Give me the lesson plan already! Let me skip to the last chapter and see what the outcome is. I don’t even know what chapter I am in. I feel like I am living a slow French film, without the gratuitous sex. Like a French film, it will probably end abruptly, with no explanation and everyone in the audience will be left scratching their heads and looking to each other for understanding.

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