Archive for the ‘Weird Gifts’ Category

He finally removed the photo from OkCupid. The one I had taken of him on our trip up to Maine. Finally. So, why now? He didn’t do it after I told him that I was in love with him. He didn’t do it after we decided that we would go forward with our seeing eachother, each of us clearer on where the other stands. He did it after a 5 day trip to the mountains of wyoming with a friend who just lost his wife to cancer. I don’t understand him, but at the end of the day, I love him and that my friends, that is the most important thing. I know he cares about me or he wouldn’t be here. I might even say that he could love me, if he allowed himself. Knowing that it is possible, that makes me smile. That gives me comfort. I do hope that when he goes to sleep at night, he does so knowing that he is loved and that it makes a slight difference.

With that, it is 3:12 am and I have another full day of packing before me tomorrow. He flies out of town fora business trip so I don’t get to see him until he gets back. My new apartment is closer to his apartment than my condo, I hope the proximity increases the likelihood of intimacy, cause I am horny as hell most of the month and this 3 times isn’t cuttin’ it. He best be buying me a rabbit for Christmas if he doesn’t plan on stepping up to my box more often.


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Apparently I look like I need to eat more. I think I look great. A fleshy size 6. I’m not too skinny BUT for some reason, instead of kisses and squeezes, I get rosemary and bags of vegetables. The Urban Indie Farmer…. it was a great time, I thought. I got to coffee almost a half hour late because the laundromat decided to be my mortal enemy but after that we went to this crazy religious shrine that included an outdoor nativity in which these bizarre Victorian choralers meet absurdly disproportionate amputee herald angels and freakishly small wise men. Things became even more interesting when, inside the church, there was what can only be described as a giant diorama depicting Christ’s birth. It had animatronic villagers and animals and even a technologically advanced lighting set up to simulate the hours of the day including sunrise and sunset.  We then snuck into the chapel across the street with the request that we be able to make a prayer. The giant crucifix was carved from wood in a very late 50’s stylized manner and it was hung in front of a mural so expertly done that I wish I were able to determine the artist  so that I could find out if he or she had other works besides church murals. It was a Roman Catholic chapel, so it is doubtful that it was a woman artist back in the 50’s, but perhaps. 

After going to hell for our lack of faith and sarcastic review of their pamphlet on Getting Back to Mass, we headed outside where he lit a candle to save our souls, like all good Sicilian boys should do when faced with a Catholic church. Then we wandered off in search of food. We stopped and looked at a menu for a place and after seeing it was Peruvian, I just couldn’t go in. All I could think of was Mr Hottie Gavin Depp (yet to be determined if he is a McDouche or if I am an emailer with a misconstrued message.) We ended up at a so-so martini bar with his wine and my manly drink, aka a Dark and Stormy.  (Let it be known, Wednesday’s D&S…sooo much better!) and chatted for a few hours.

When he drove me home, we took my dog for a half hour walk and had some more pleasant conversation. Overall, the date lasted 5 and a half hours , the conversation flowed easily, we have a ton of commonality, yet, why at the end, instead of an extended hug, a kiss on the cheek or even, hell, a real kiss, do I get a biodegradable bag filled with produce? I don’t want produce. I want to be pushed against a wall and made to feel wanted… not handed root crops!

I sent GD an email, explaining where I thought my original email went wrong and how it probably sent the wrong message. When pressed, truth is, so far he is the only one that makes me feel that woo hoo excited thing that one is supposed to get from a date.  Hopefully my explanation gets me a reconsideration. I also threatened to open up a big ole can of woo on his ass if he doesn’t reconsider by Monday. I have no patience for this misunderstanding shit. Lets clear the air so we can get on with it and eventually, in the great words of Marvin Gaye, Let’s Get it On!

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