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Posts Tagged ‘Italian’

only the Jew was smart enough to see what was around him and duck, where as the Italian was too focused on himself to realize what hit him across the head.

This weekend could have been a wonderfully relaxing and tender weekend for two people who have had a challenging year, a way to unwind and reconnect. Instead, I’m heading down to NYC for two nights and two days of who knows what with Internet Skype guy. Sex could happen. Sex probably should happen, I deserve that from the universe. Actually, I deserve a full body massage and really good oral sex, then the best 8 hours of sleep ever. That is what I need.

Since my last post, Type Geek has come out with a new plan… utter disrespectful douche. If you insult her character she will no longer come… that is his theory. Although his other theory… if you ignore her, she will no longer cum, was pretty effective as well. I don’t want to get into what he said, but it sent me into such a fit of anger and how dare you’s that I almost walked the three miles to his house and slapped him across the face. In the end, he still wasn’t successful in making me hate him, just succesful in making me feel sorry for him. It’s quite sad at this point, his complete inability to connect to another human. I hope that someday he gets over what his ex did to him and feels more secure in who he is. For his own sake.

So, the chapter is ended. Is the book of Type Geek finished? Life is long, we shall never know. Perhaps I will reconnect in 20 years at an auction of mid century modern furniture… perhaps we are meant to be old together, but first, we need to grow old separately. Perhaps he just needs to grow first.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch… There is Bi-Coastal Foodie who is shuttling between Seattle and NYC, a foodie who actually admitted that he thinks I might be the better cook. (umm, of course) There was a photographer that lasted a few days, only to run at me wearing a giant red flag after I didn’t text him by a certain time about a potential cocktail. Key word…. potential, not, scheduled. Finally, there was a gentleman, Shellfish Guy who had hit on me months ago and I had told, that I wasn’t in the place because I was seeing someone else. He has continued to pursue me and I figure, hell, why not. So, that is where I am currently at.

This time around, how will I approach things differently? I’m not sure. This time it is a whole new game. I’m no longer wondering if it is possible for me to connect emotionally to a man, I obviously did. Now, maybe my lesson is that if you can’t be with the one you love, find another, then love the one you’re with. It might not be the same soul wrenching, powerful stuff that makes you JUST KNOW. But, maybe it can still be pretty good.

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It’s a cold night and I have just put my Type Geek texting to rest. Not ready to face the mounds of laundry that are resting on my bed in need of folding, hanging and otherwise putting away, I opted for a cup of Vosges La Parisienne Hot Chocolate with some vanilla bean and a dash of cayenne. Drinking it in my favorite mug, I couldn’t help but wish I was curled up on his couch watching Mad Men with him. Unfortunately, that isn’t happening. Unfortunately, I am sitting in a half renovated messy condo located in a stalled neighborhood of tacos, tacos, two Italian joints, and more tacos. Oh, and a pupuseria. It is for the best that I am not there this evening. I have too many commitments on Monday and must be out of my place by 9:45, at the latest. This all will be easier, when I am closer. At least, the travel back and forth will be easier, the logistics of seeing him, that is. Do I think our situation will be easier, aww, hells no. Can I hope, perhaps. I am realistic though. I think he has some trust issues, some attachment issues. His ex cheated on him multiple times. Not once, not twice, hell, maybe more than three. I know that from what he said, it was just completely out of hand. I can relate to wanting him more available when he is in work mode and feeling pushed aside and compartmentalized, but that doesn’t mean, now that I decided to stop seeing other people and be exclusive, yet still casual, that I would go have a grudge fuck. It wouldn’t make me feel better and ultimately it wouldn’t get me out of my compartment and closer to him. It isn’t always about me, or her or even him. Sometimes it is a symptom of the OCD and he is powerless to it, sometimes it truly just is an unavoidable work load that MUST be dealt with, however, sometimes it is my internalizing and resulting unexpected geyser of insecurity or his inability to see the entire picture after tunnelling on work and so, subsequently, he does things out of such rigid self focus, that I get lost, I am invisible. Are all of these things that can be dealt with? Yeah, sure.  2011 is creeping up fast. Less than 4 months. In roughly 13 weeks, this blog will have its year anniversary. I’m not sure what the story is yet. I have been battling back and forth a manuscript for the novel and I’m unsure, of so many things.

What is the story to you, the readers? Why do you read me, post after post? What do you want to know? What do you wish you knew more about? What is this journey to you?

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