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Archive for June, 2011

This subject became the hot button topic last night among a wide circle of friends. My feelings on open relationships have fluctuated to the area of perhaps it is necessary to have some needs met outside of a marriage, if ALL aren’t being met inside and the relationship is otherwise amazing, to hmm, I don’t think I could handle the emotional and health risks of my partner or myself having an extracurricular partner.

Years ago, when my sex drive was non existent and it created an issue with my partners, who always said, “when you want it Student Driver, it’s REALLY good, you just don’t want it much.” So, I got thumbs up for my performance all the time, BUT, I would rather have bowled most nights. For full disclosure, it was a medically proven low hormone issue that was causing my body to have such ambivalence towards sex. So, in those days, I realized that anyone who loved me, was also potentially subjecting themselves to a life of once a month sex. Definitely NOT enough. I considered it and decided that , at that time, I could understand and would be reasonable to a partner having an outside activity partner if it was only sexual in nature, didn’t interfere with our relationship, and they were safe.

Flash forward to 2011. I have the sex drive of a 19-year-old boy who snorted his dad’s Viagra while attending the Adult Video Awards. I could fuck all the time. Type Geek is lucky, only he doesn’t really get it. To find a woman who is attractive and wants to fuck you 24-7, well buddy, that is a real gift from the universe. Because my super human sexual prowess now, and because he always tells me how good our sex is, I would have a real issue with Type Geek having sex with other people IF he ever officially makes this a real relationship. On the side, is he having sex with anyone else? I don’t think so, at least, not on the more regular basis in which he is with me. Perhaps he has had one or two encounters this year other than me. We haven’t talked about it but we are back to using condoms even though I am on the pill, so I tend to lean towards him having been with someone other than me. Do I consider it unfaithful? Not really. Technically he isn’t my boyfriend. Technically I am not his girlfriend, but I behave as such, because I feel as such.

This post isn’t about Type Geek though. It’s about the bigger question of monogamy. How realistic is it? In the beginning, sure, maybe it is easy. How about after kids or after a decade? After health issues resulting in disability or significant weight gain/loss. Your partner loses their attractiveness, but you still love them. Is monogamy a black and white thing? Can relationships redefine a model of behavior that works for them but isn’t as stringent or as simple as a yes or no? Should a relationship just end, if any of these issues crop up, even if the relationship works on other levels?

What have been your personal experiences with monogamy? I am not asking about outright obvious cheating, but a more complicated type of infidelity, in which perhaps the act is what keeps the marriage together.

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Things are ok. Some of you have emailed concern, so I felt it important to log in and “show my face”. I am dealing with some difficult things at the moment, on all fronts of my life. This happens to us all from time to time. Career? Ugh. Living situation? Ugh. Love? Hmm. Type Geek and I have had some of the most honest conversations we have ever had in the last few days. A future for us? As clearly understandable as any couples future, except technically we lack the couple aspect. It’s a one sided relationship. I behave as a girlfriend and he behaves, at times, as someone I am dating, but not as my boyfriend. I understand many of the why’s now, none of which I am going to be going into here today.

I hope you all are well, and I do promise to resurface full force…very soon. Thanks for your continuing support and understanding.

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You all may have noticed that I have been rather silent lately, posts have been non-existent. I have a few really difficult things coming at me currently that need attending to and thusly, I have been unable to even consider what to post. I need to take a step away and prioritize some mending of my psyche and my life. Perhaps take a new driving class on how to handle the car during poor weather conditions. Please be patient, I will be back soon, until that time however, I will repost some older, more popular posts, for your enjoyment. Thanks for your understanding and continued support!

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