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Posts Tagged ‘new years eve’

I woke today with the giggles of two young girls crawling into my bed. 3 and 7, my “nieces” are the most incredible children I have known. It was 70 degrees at 9 am when they slowly opened the door and ran under the covers. My best friends were asleep and it was sweet perfection for the half hour  that the girls and I laid in bed chatting. While my friends snuck in an extra couple of hours of sleep, taking advantage of my presence keeping the kids at a slightly quieter tone than normal, I made a traditional Southern New Year’s Day brunch complete with braised ham hocks, Hoppin’ John, collards, pan roasted potatoes, and poached eggs. Once they awoke, we sat together outside, the sun on our faces, and ate too much and laughed just enough. I miss them terribly and wish my reality was a bit closer to theirs, rather than on the other coast. Perhaps that is a change I need to consider.

This year begins a lot differently than last. Last year I was in love with a complicated man, still technically owned my home, still technically owned a small business, although both were in the end process of being given back and dismantled, respectively. I had the very best dog, who was also one of my most dearest friends. Just when I thought my own personal identity couldn’t be anymore shook up, it was. Tested is barely scratching the surface with regards to how I felt many times over. Tortured is definitely how I felt most often.

I don’t believe in Resolutions. I don’t think I did anything necessarily wrong or bad to encourage the harsh events that had unfolded around me in 2011. Will I love less? No. Will I love differently? Quite probably. Each time we love someone, a new person or a past person, the love is a little bit different. It’s nearly impossible to ever love quite the same as you have previously. So, what will the year bring. I have hopes for it. I have wishes and dreams and preferences, but none of these things I can predict as the truth. I have come to learn, through my many painful experiences, that I have far less control over the outcome of things that I once believed.

 

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The year started off with blueberry dotted chipotle, cracked cayenne, and alderwood smoked sea salt chocolate cupcakes … frosted with nutella. Some Lambrusco I picked up from my new local wine shoppe, conveniently run by a woman whom I had hot sex with for 3 months back in my late 20’s. The southerner whose Baton Rouge oozed out during orgasm when she let out her Oh Gawd’s with a twang. Jesus, that women was hot, and she still is pretty good-looking, if I am to be honest. We hadn’t seen each other in 5 years, since running into each other one evening at a bar. She was surprised to see me, but pleasantly so, it appeared.

Originally I had hoped to spend New Year’s Eve in varying degrees of undress… and giddy drunkenness. Unfortunately, the universe decided that Type Geek needed yet another colossal crisis that needed solving and so he trekked through the woods and went ice climbing to a mountain peak, where he then proceeded to camp, alone, and find the answers for the questions he has been presented. I get it, they are big questions, life and death questions, with very real consequences. I am disappointed, that is natural, but I do get it.

The universe then decided to test my own resolve… by bringing an old flirtation back online… he is back in the states from Argentina, where he has been doing some graduate work. Drunk, he flirted incessantly, and sent me a photo I had sent him a year prior. He thanked me for being an exhibitionist and, in his sexually aroused state of drunkenness, was asking to come over, asking for more photos. He ” didn’t want to ruin my relationship” though, didn’t want to interfere. Didn’t he understand that he doesn’t really have that power? I declined, explaining that things have changed for me. I’m sexually exclusive with someone I love, sure he isn’t my boyfriend, but he is someone whom I care deeply for and wish to keep around for a pretty long time.

I’m beginning the year in love, in frustration, in less control than ever before. I have moved in with other people, and realized one roommate is passive aggressive and quite intolerable, the one who confessed his feelings for me regarding his favoritism on OK Cupid. I have found myself in a job that can sometimes border on unhealthy due to a member of the management team who relies on bullying, physical and emotional harassment and a tendency towards too many French 75’s while working. Then of course, there is the being in love, with someone who cares enough not to want me to go away, but is petrified of letting me in far enough that he could actually fall for me. Oh sigh.

All of this begs the question… in 365 days, where will we all be?

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Let’s wrap up and just cross off the list those that we are not carrying over into 2010:

Peruvian Hottie (collective BOOOOO), Jewish Dad with dogs (eh, his laugh ANNOYED me so I never even went out with him), the Luthier (just wasn’t feeling terribly attracted to him, seemed nice but eh), The Hickie Giving Musician (just can’t do it, not feeling it), Rosemary (we all know why), the Aussie (young), and the Farmer (a girl can only be so patient).

Here is the new cluster of boys/men:

Academic (super cute and younger and had some hmm, hot chat sex, ooops), Former Reporter (turns out we have some history in another life that overlaps), Tattooed Rock Musician (seems nice, feeling eh about it), Tattooed Insomniac Artist (makes cakes at 2:30 in the morning, cause he’s in the mood for cake and milk. It’s either cute or weird or maybe both),Art Teacher (interesting, quirky), Middle School Teacher (a little odd, not sure about him yet) and there is the Flannel Turkish guy from New Year’s Eve, which is a night I will explain in a moment.

There you have a list of the guys I am currently speaking with and trying to figure out what they are about. Follow along in the future.

Now, New Year’s Eve. I heard nothing back from Peruvian, a huge disappointment but life must go on. I called the foreigner and we opted to go to this chill lounge on the other side of town. We met close by and drove over together. I worried that the night was going to be a bust when we walked in and there were only 15 people there! It was only 9:30, I remained hopeful. So, we sat, we drank, we covered ourselves from the cold blast of arctic air each time the door opened. Eventually people filtered in and a) blocked the cold air (yay!) and b) suddenly filled the joint! After I picked up my 3rd drink, I was ready to move a bit. The DJ’s were doing an amazing job mixing up funk, disco, 80’s, and various electronic tracks and everyone had a groove working. I made notice of an attractive gentleman at one point, looked at him a few times and smiled once or twice. Young, but very cute and TALL.

So, I danced. I had begun work on another cocktail and midnight came around. The foreigner grabbed me and started making out with me (?!) and then I went back to dancing. After midnight the crowd loosened up as people had gotten their midnight kissage out-of-the-way and were now just having fun. A turkish guy started dancing with me and eventually making out with me. It was fun but I was still thinking of the young cute Tall thing over in the corner from earlier. Eventually, I was able to make my way over there and at some point ended up kissing one of the DJ’s (really?! He was good, but that good?) and provided a charity kiss to an older woman who had never kissed a woman in her life, until at some point I got a hold of the Tall Cutie. Best lips of the night.

Eventually the bar closed and the foreigner and I left without my getting the young man’s name. His kiss is stuck on my lips though. I put out a Craigslist Missed Connection. What else do you do? How do you find someone after the fact? I’m not looking for love with him, but maybe a cocktail and some more kissage. Mmmm, kissage.

The night wrapped uneventfully and we now find ourselves in 2010. It feels odd. Surreal. 2009 was a bad year for me. It began with the death of an older friend and ended with perhaps a death to my former self. At least, a shedding of that former self. Let’s see what 2010 has to offer. A new decade, a new self, a whole new adventure.

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