Posts Tagged ‘wine’

I don’t talk to people on the phone prior to meeting them. I know this sounds odd. There are a number of reasons for this though. First, you can’t see someone’s face, so you may not be able to pick up subtleties in the conversation. Second, some people are poor telephone conversationalists but GREAT in person. It isn’t fair to make the telephone conversation your first impression of them. Third, and last, IF the conversation flows, a false sense of intimacy can occur. So, I like to meet for coffee as soon as possible and see if investing in awkward conversations on the telephone are worth the hassle. No spark, no need, right?

Well, Mr Bratty McLawyer turned IT Guy, or Bratty McLaw, as I will call him, insisted that I call him. UGH, FINE! He was cute and charming in his messages and his profiles, so I figured I would go ahead and break that one rule. I wanted to hang up on him after talking to him for an hour. I was finding him to be egotistical, self-centered, arrogant, insulting, condescending and rude. It didn’t seem like the man who had been corresponding with me, so I spoke up and gave him a bit of a verbal smack down and, after being stunned silent, he apologized for how he came off and changed course to try to resurrect the conversation, if possible. We spent 10 hours on the phone. The sun came up and I said good-bye to him and hung up as I locked the door behind me and headed to work. It wasn’t an amazingly passionate conversation. It wasn’t even that we connected in some deep sense. The conversations pale in comparison to the things said in my shared silences when I was with Brooklyn, however, he was interested and charming, so I kept talking. I am far too old for a night without sleep these days.

I came home from work and took a few hours nap, and began some laundry. It was chilly out however and I really wanted to get out and have a cocktail by a fireplace somewhere. My other possibilities were not available, so I texted Bratty McLaw and asked if he wanted to have a drink in a few hours. He eagerly confirmed and we agreed to meet in 2 hours.

Shower, run to laundromat, move clothes to dryer, run home, apply make up and finish getting dressed, run to laundromat and grab dry clothes, run home and drop off, walk dog, grab purse, catch bus to subway, subway to taxi and drive by as he is walking down the street thinking he will meet me at the train station. Umm, I said I would meet you at the bar silly boy. Geez. Luckily I saw him and was able to get the cab driver to pull over and let me out early. I rang him on the phone and proceeded to direct him in my direction. There was a humourous moment of voyeurism that I found myself stuck in as I was able to pull his strings and move him without his knowledge as to where I was or how I was able to see him so clearly when he didn’t see me anywhere.

He was cute in person. Not breathtaking, but attractive. Softer facial features than the photos in his profile implied. We decided, as we stood on the street, that my original location choice for a rendezvous wasn’t actually what either of us were feeling. So, we opted to walk to his car and drive over to a different bar. Chemistry, mmm, ish. 6′ 2″, blonde, fit but not gym rat like, comfortable smile, arty glasses, and just enough vanity to be self-confident in person. I was honestly worried that he would be the schmuck I was thinking he might be when we first started chatting the night earlier. This person though, it wasn’t there. Perhaps it was nervousness that led him to project the persona of douche bag shithead, but luckily, whatever it was, it was nowhere in sight when we were in person.

We arrived at the second bar around 10 pm. It was dead. Which, honestly, was quite fine. We sat at a high top and each ordered a glass of wine. He was snackie, so we also had some spinach artichoke dip. Conversation was friendly. By the second glass of wine, he was reaching for my hand and stroking my arm. By the 3rd, he was kissing me. Did the kisses overwhelm me and leave me speechless? No, but they were quite good. His kissing style is similar to mine and it felt nice. We decided to go back to his place and make out a bit more. My dog could easily do an 8 hour span of time between potty breaks, and since it was midnight at this point, she was probably sleeping anyway and wouldn’t miss me for a few more hours, at least.

We drove back to his place and I took off my heels as we walked up to his apartment. Heels on wood stairs in these old multi unit buildings, well, I would have woken everyone in the building. He made me sit on the stair outside his unit while he took 5 minutes to tidy up. I chuckled. Knowing the current condition of my own residence, there is virtually nothing, short of live creatures roaming about, that would offend me. I live in a cluttered construction zone, bring on your mess… I can trump it right now buddy.

A few minutes later he comes out and ushers me in quietly. His roommate is sleeping on the other end of the unit so we need to be self-aware of voices and laughter. So, why put on Colbert and Jon Stewart if you don’t want me to laugh out loud?! The laughing didn’t last long however, as he made his move within 5 minutes of us sitting on the couch together. My rule for the night…. sadly overdue for a wax… I look like a hippy body hair loving freak… hands stay out of the pants and they stay on.

An hour of making out on the couch can kill any back, so, logically we move to the sleep number bed. We play with the settings, laugh some more amidst some occasional shhhh’s from the each of us to the other. So, the shirts end up off. Of course they do. Then, even though I say…warning will robinson…danger danger… furry wildebeast…stay away from the Northern region… I end up with his hand down my pants. He said that he would take note of my objection and embarrassment and keep in mind that au naturale is not my current state… and then he peeled the jeans completely off. Oh oy vey. This is not leading anywhere good, is it?

Well, leading anywhere good? Hmm, well, after a lot of frustrating teenage grinding in our undies… I stopped him and stated what we both knew. Let’s just admit that we are going to have sex and rather than keep up with this silliness under the ruse that we aren’t going to…. go get the goddamn condoms now. So, student driver finally got laid. Was in earth shattering? No. Did it need to be? No. Was he a sweet and kind lover? Yes. It was comfortable, even though I was furry as all get out and embarrassed by that. We were both exhausted from the previous nights marathon conversation and our lack of sleep, so neither of us got off in the end, but it felt great regardless. The sun was coming up as we finally disengaged and gave up on a definable finish line. We set the alarm for 3 hours, so we could get a little sleep, and then readjusted our personal sleep numbers for our individualized snoozing comfort.

The dog? She was asleep on the bed when I walked in the door at 8:45 am. She hadn’t noticed that I hadn’t come home that night, in fact, she seemed quite pleased to have the bed entirely to herself.

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His photos were a little strangely disturbing but I knew that there was NO WAY he actually looked like that in real life. He must have a condition that results in him making a dumb ass face every time a camera is pointed at him. I know many people who suffer from this condition. I am blessed. Years behind the camera taught me how to be in front of the camera without much incident. So, I agree to meet him because he seems like a chill guy with some varied interests and no serious issues except a not so recent divorce and a child. The divorce and the child are a plus actually. At 31, this means that the probability of his wanting another marriage or child anytime soon has been severely reduced. I am stoked. We chat a bit through email and decide to meet for coffee at 2:30 in the neighborhood I’ll be working in today.

I arrive a few minutes before him and use it as an opportunity to use the restroom. When I come out of the restroom I notice him at the condiment station doctoring up his cup of joe. He grabs us a table and I grab a tea and we sit and chat. Conversation flows easily, we start talking about his 3-year-old daughter, my job and what it is that I do, his job in PR and then the exes come into the conversation. We have been sitting there for 1 hr. and 30 min., of course the exes are starting to creep in. Just as we are getting asked to leave, because the café is closing at 4, I spring it on him. I just can’t lie. If you say HE ,in reference to my ex fiancé, I shall correct you. So, I did this and knew that one of two things would occur. We would leave the cafe and he would say that it was nice meeting me and we would part ways OR he would suggest we go somewhere else.

We spent the next 3.5 hours sitting at a bar around the corner that is in the middle of undergoing renovation. Their taps didn’t work so I couldn’t get a dark and stormy, as their ginger beer is on tap (how cool is that but also momentarily annoying) and no coffee, as the coffee machine wasn’t hooked up yet. I ended up with Pinot Grigio, which, far from my favorite is better than the usual swill California Chardonnay’s these types of places have as their house white. Cheekbone Guy had tonic, just tonic. He isn’t a drinker anymore and that is a plus. Speaking of pluses, by the way, he was actually quite attractive in a very Nantucket, plaid Bermuda shorts, chocolate lab kind of way. The cheekbones are, in fact, prominent but not disturbing as they are in his photos. He does have the weird photo affliction I mentioned earlier in the post.  

Overall our date lasted 5 hours which works out to roughly: 2 glasses of wine, one water, 2 tonics, 2 large coffees and 2 large hot teas for the pair of us. I am such a cheap date. We talked about everything you are advised not to; such as, politics, religion, sexuality, addiction, crazy exes, actual financial numbers on our homes, and past relationships. We covered a lot. Sober. While we didn’t get thrown out of any public places for indecent and lewd acts, he was attractive and showed discreet polite flirtation and interest. He commented several times about things he noticed or liked and began the statements with, “if we actually start dating…” we should, you could, it would… He was very nice.

I walked him from the bar to the theatre around the corner where he was meeting his friend. He bent down, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. That’s cute. No one has done the cheek kiss yet. Produce, check. Rosemary, check. Red roses, check. Leaving me with the tab, check. But no, no cheek kiss. I usually disapprove of such half kisses but it didn’t feel like a peck. It felt like a genuinely nice guy who is respectful and navigating boundaries he believes should exist early on. Bravo.

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