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Posts Tagged ‘resentment’

I haven’t written in awhile. It’s obvious to all of you. Obviously. I went on a date a couple of weeks ago, a set up. The man was a weak doppelganger for Type Geek. A slighter, less dynamic, sillier, shorter (all men lie about something, don’t they?!), … he just lacked the intensity and the sea that I swim out on when I look into Type Geek’s eyes. I’m not looking to replace him, I’m not looking to replicate him. In fact, for the last month, plus, I have been so overcome with anger, an anger so consuming, that I wanted to barge over to type Geek’s apartment and just go off on a series of grrrr aaaarghs at him. But, that won’t fix, solve, resolve, save, or recreate anything. Things just are. Even though I am teetering on a plague mass of anger, resentmentment and animosity so deep and stinging that sometimes it chokes me, I still miss him. Not this douche bag he is hiding behind, buy the little boy behind the robot suit. The beautiful boy with the long eye lashes, the velvety big ole skull, the neck I can bury my face in for days, and the tush that makes me smile just thinking of it. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him.

Tonight, at 12:01 am , Nanorwrimo.org begins. This year I am walking in with an idea for a fable of one such robot boy and the girl whose flower garden abates the fortress he is wrongfully is trapped within. 50,000 words in 30 days. Wish me luck.

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