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Posts Tagged ‘rain’

Type Geek is back in town from his week of flights, meetings and schmoozing for the greater good of his company. Coming down from that whirlwind week and the stress and exhilaration of the whole conference event has left him tattered and a little emotionally raw. He’s straight out depressed. The lack of sunshine in our part of the East Coast isn’t helping either. My weekend had distractions from his absence, but I was disappointed that I didn’t have him next to me on Sunday night. Autumn has hit, full tilt. The nights are colder, and longer, and his bed was where I was hoping to usher in the new week from. However, it didn’t happen that way.

We didn’t spend a lot of time speaking on the phone this weekend, a bit of texting, but that is all. We tend towards text heavy conversation, but I end up missing the sound of his voice. He said something silly at some point that made me cock my head and respond that he is an odd one and makes me scratch my head a lot. His response was that he is not only an odd one, but an iron fortress as well, a combination that surely elicits much head scratching. I told him that I was working with a voodoo locksmith but that finding the right key was difficult, until then, I have been checking ever side door and window for a possible opening. He responded that my voodoo garlic soup now makes sense. I then said, that, ” in all seriousness, I care about you and I wish you could trust a little bit in that, but I am a stubborn girl, and I’ll keep scratching (in reference to head scratching confusion that he causes), with my head tilted like a confused puppy, as long as you’ll let me. All I can hope, is that the winds change direction soon and that you open those doors for some fresh air. I think you are pretty awesome, and worth it.” To which there was many minutes of text silence… followed with a simple thank you. We then had some banter later in the afternoon that included the recognition that I often bring a little bit of magic with me. I heal him with soup, when he asks me for sun… somehow it comes out,  and he has had two raises and one HUGE promotion since meeting me. Does he realize that I am his personal lucky charm?

Sigh, iron fortresses. Sometimes those people are worth the work, the time, the patience. Other times, you invest so much, and they never really let you in past the courtyard of their self-imposed exile. This might take a long time, what is my best position here? How should I help him to open up and trust again? Can I even do it?

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You said hello, before you considered what those words could uncover.
You jumped in, before learning how to swim.
You ran and hid away from the terror of the dark, just as the dawn was breaking.
You grew vacant when the silence became deafening.

I know, in my language, that the sun shines brighter because of you.
The rain tastes sweeter when you are walking in it.
The air feels richer, when you are breathing it beside me.

I know that, when you knocked and I answered, the unexpected gift before me was one to cherish, protect and care for.
That the package consisted of somewhat fragile parts, held together with chewing gum, wrinkles and rubber bands.
I held it in my hands like an orphaned bird, set my eyes upon it and drank it in.
I recognized it from 1000 years of my past.

My hands were not safe enough for this delicate eggshell bird.
So, I placed it in my heart and sang songs of Whitman and Neruda to it.
I carry its heart in my heart, like ee cummings

The root, the bud, the tree of life under the great sky
I carry this bird of chewing gum, of wrinkles, of rubber bands
in my gateless, cageless, sanctuary of a heart.

A place of abundance,
A place of lazy days and long contented drunken silences
punctuated by faraway bird songs.

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