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Posts Tagged ‘patience’

This time of year leaves me restless. Feeling like I am in limbo. Neither warm enough to run around flaunting my cuteness or cold enough to sit in cozy bars and lament the winter. It is as if some great force above has the remote and hit pause. 

Meanwhile…. I continue to recieve messages on OkCupid such as this:

Hi

// Mar 28, 2011 – 1:19pm

I don’t want to date you. I just wanted to say hi. I like your glasses. I’m not nearly as inept as my message to you might imply. I sometimes am a very good communicator. I like your glasses a lot. I have a feeling you’re pretty nice to know. I might like to know you. I have a feeling you wouldn’t like to know me since I don’t have a profile filled out. I could give you reasons as to why that’s the case. I keep starting each sentence with “I”. I hope that doesn’t pause to consider me an egomaniac. I just like the letter “I”. It’s short and to the point. I have a feeling you might think I’m peculiar and odd, yet wonderfully cute and silly. I don’t know.

Hi.

26% Enemy 79% Friend 65% Match Message from …. (perhaps I should respect his privacy)

Does this approach usually work for him?

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Sigh

Can I be angry that I met him? Now, during all this chaos of his? The timing, I mean, what does it mean? I DON’T want to hang out with other people, I want to hang out with him. SIGH, motherfuckin SIGH. Why did he come looking for me and why did he find me now? He’s not ready for me. Well, he is the one that said hi, and continued to say hi and eagerly said, well HI. So, how do I deal with this? How do I pretend I didn’t meet someone who feels like they were always there? Like they aren’t new. Like they’ve been there forever? How do you disengage from that? Should I even disengage? Am I being impatient? I’m not asking for some huge committment from him at the moment, I just don’t want the connection to go away. Feeling so plugged in to another individual that silence says more than words. UGH and SIGH. So, what do I do with all this? I can’t sleep at the moment. It’s been raining and raining and flooding outside, the crazy barometric pressure has my head wanting to explode and I have tons of work to do for various projects I am involved in. Yet, I am not distracted enough by any of that to forget about him and how good it feels just to be sitting next to him and holding his hand, no words, nothing besides that quiet connection that screams louder at me than anything I can remember.

Sigh.

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