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Posts Tagged ‘orgasms’

I know that I sometimes make it sound like I NEVER get laid. That isn’t entirely true. I get laid about once a week, UNLESS it is “THAT” week. What makes it seem so tragic for me is that I am seeing TWO men, so I am averaging every other week with each of them. Sex with Cooper Fiennes is ALWAYS hot. Sex with Type Geek has it’s surprising moments, however it had been taking a nose dive into boring routine married sex. Brushing teeth in the two bathrooms and doing our end of day grooming routines and then meeting in the bedroom. 99.9% of the time he was tucked in bed when I would join him a couple of minutes later. It made me feel like he was more inclined to go to bed than get busy. I guess he just isn’t a big initiator. I can be the initiator, but, I REALLY like when someone else takes charge.  Sigh. So, it’s been a sexually frustrating past month.

Last Monday I texted Cooper Fiennes asking if he would attend a Bastille Day soiree at a local bar/restaurant. The parties there are always quite fun and I thought it would be a great excuse to drink, flirt and dance. Do we really need excuses to do that?  Well, C.F. never responded to my request. It wasn’t vaguely put. I said, quite pointedly, that there was an event on Wednesday evening that I was attending, would he please be my date. I heard nothing Monday, nothing Tuesday. Tuesday evening I asked Type Geek to go with me. Now, Type Geek had been frustrating me because he kept canceling things and showing lack of interest. Or what I was feeling seemed like lack of interest. So, I left him a message stating that my feelings were getting hurt and I was growing more and more disappointed each time we made a plan and it was rain-checked or canceled. That I understood his job can be demanding, and that is more than acceptable, but that perhaps he needed to think out the validity of plans better BEFORE asking me to do something. After I said that, he suddenly became more affectionate and attentive. So, I gave him another chance and decided that I would see how things would turn out after the party, if he could attend. He eagerly said yes and we agreed to meet at the venue at 8 pm the next day.

The next day I had some training at my new job and had only a few hours to run home, deal with my pooch, and look fabulous. Since this wasn’t just any date night I wanted to look extra hot. I showered and did a quick, yet thorough, shave/wax combo and started to think about what I was going to wear. Inspiration hit when I found my charcoal colored tweed pencil skirt. Pencil skirt- check, white men’s button down- check, sheer black camisole and black bra and tanga panty-check, black garter belt with nude colored back seamed stockings-check check. Finished off with 4 inch vintage styled heels and hair up with red stained lips and dark eyes? Of course! Now, as I am running around getting ready, who calls me? None other than Cooper Fiennes. I didn’t answer it. I was annoyed. I did however check his voice mail. His message said that he knew we had plans tonight, but he didn’t know what was going on and that he really wanted to go for a jog, to let him know. I laughed out loud. I texted him back, still annoyed,” Go for your jog. We don’t have plans. I invited you and you didn’t respond therefore I made other plans. I don’t assume that we have plans just because I ask you to attend something with me. Have a good night. P.s. I look amazing, you should have responded.” A few minutes later I heard the text alert go off, ” YES! Next time I will respond. Have a great time tonight.” I think I am trying to distance myself a little, emotionally. That is for another post however.

At 8:15, because I am always late, I meet Type Geek outside the venue. If you have never worn a pencil skirt, let me tell you, maneuvering in/out of taxi cabs is difficult when the top half of your legs are bound so closely together. Type Geek smiled and obviously made a mental note of my outfit but refrained from saying anything. A half hour later, while at the downstairs bar, he finally told me how great I looked. I smirked and thanked him, then I let him in on the garter secret…by inching my skirt up a bit and running his hand along the top of the stocking. I know he has a stocking fetish, so this was done for his benefit. He didn’t shake his smile for the rest of the evening.

The event was fun, except for the obvious fail on their part to plan for the rain. They had anticipated French street fair style food carts outside with no food running from the kitchen. Unfortunately, it poured. My gluten issue left the single option of baguette sandwiches highly implausible, and after 2 strong cocktails, dinner was a necessity for both of us. We wandered out at 11 pm in search of something open in this godforsaken town. The reality of NOT living in NYC anymore means that dinner after 10 pm MOST nights is as impossible a find as is the holy grail. We did remember that there was a French Brassiere a few blocks away that served a late bar menu. Score! Beets and Frites and Croque Monsieur, Belgian beers and vodka cocktails, then a question, “So, do you want to go back to the party or should we go back to your place and get naked now?”  He quickly hailed a cab for his house.

Sex that night began in the kitchen and continued backing up through the hallway into his bedroom, shoes came off, pencil skirts pushed up, and suddenly we were behaving like people who are dating, not a married couple. The highlight of the evening… I got off. That doesn’t happen often. The plus for him? Besides my getting off? He got off twice in 5 minutes! Now, THAT is what I am talking about. Amazing how after a night of sex like that, you can sleep for only 3 hours but wake up incredibly refreshed.

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The last few days have been rather interesting. If you have been reading chronologically, you already know that I finally got laid. Well, Mr. Bratty McLawyer is worse than any goddamn lesbian I ever dated. We had sex Wednesday night, Thursday I had errands and at one point he texted me and asked what I was doing, I explained that I was at a specialty grocery store. Now, just because this store is in his neighborhood, does NOT mean he should come and surprise me. Maybe he was so enamored by our mutual lack of orgasms that he needed to see me again, less than 12 hours from when he dropped me off at my home. So, he surprised me by turning a corner and appearing. Cute-ish, I guess. Now, the next day, I spent several hours consoling my ex girlfriend who is in an AWFUL relationship. After such an exhausting conversation with her there was a great need for a relaxing bath and the huge macaroon I had bought the night before. Stripped down, I stepped in. Within 45 seconds of settling into the tub and shoving a huge piece of the macaroon into my mouth, a text message came through.  Bratty McL was checking in, wondering what I was doing. Just stepped into a nice relaxing hot bath I replied. What are YOU doing, I asked back. His response aggravated the living hell out of me. “About to join you in the bath” he replied. Umm, wtf? Huh? THEN my buzzer rang. Are you fucking kidding me? Who comes over without an invitation?! I ended up getting out of the tub, dressing, and walking over to a local bar for a cocktail. Now, aside from the fact that he showed up uninvited, and pulled me from a relaxing soak, when the bill came, he had me chip in for my one cocktail.  Hmm, you think you might be able to buy me an $8 cocktail when you inconvenience me? Maybe? Grrr. Finally I get to go home…alone. Hours late, and not in the mood, he shows up on-line and starts instant messaging me. I had considered going out to a huge arts event that night, but after feeling run down and bombarded by other peoples psychic drama, the idea of a large group of strangers was less than appealing. I was bored though, so I strolled the online sites and found a deadly handsome man, who had just relocated from Barcelona, to chat with. He looked like a cross between Bradley Cooper and Ralph Fiennes and was utterly charming. As Mr. Cooper Fiennes and I were discussing meeting up the following day, I was trying to end my chat with Bratty McLawyer. I told him I was going to bed, he then asked to call me, so that he could say hear me say goodnight. Ugh, GAG. I told him that my phone was charging in the other room and that I was unable to call him at the moment, so a virtual goodnight would have to do. I could hear his whining tone in the way he typed his disappointed, “fine, okay, goodnight then.”  He is needy AND annoying. The self-righteous and condescending attitude hasn’t disappeared. After knowing that I love trip hop AND that I have numerous friends who are DJ’s, he suggested that surely I don’t really like DJ’s, since I appreciate serious musicians like Pat Methany? I must be joking.  Ok, now you must go away. Really?! So, electronic music ISN’T music now?! Really? Goodnight Bratty.

The next day I had an appointment across the river. I texted Cooper Fiennes to let him know that I would be out of my meeting by 2:30, if he was interested in grabbing a coffee then. The weather was amazing and the idea of great conversation on a patio with an attractive man was splendid. We met outside Starbucks. First impression in person… even sexier than he looks on-line. He is working in medicine, plays music, has great taste in music, including electronic acts, is stunning…with the type of bone structure that takes your breath away. So HOT. Always a pleasant surprise when the date is hotter than their pictures, especially when their pics are already pretty goddamn good! We walked around, laughed, talked music, talked business…both his and mine, talked art and his soon to be ex-wife. Amicable split, still good friends. Is he looking for love? Not particularly. He is in town for a residency fellowship and, in 6 months, he may move back to Spain. Hot summer fling with a sexy guy from Barcelona until then? Why the hell not?! We spent 4 hours together and I suddenly realized it was 6 pm. I was supposed to be back in the same neighborhood at 8 for my drinks and movie with Type Geek. I had to get home, wax, walk and feed the dog, change and get back to the same place I was at that very moment…in 2 hours. I bid adieu to Cooper Fiennes and hustled home.

I realized upon arriving home that not only did I NOT have enough time to wax, but that even if I did… my skin wouldn’t be relaxed anytime that evening. So, my “Just in case we end up making out hot and heavy” wax turned into a bathtub soak and …shudder…. shave. EEEK. I made it out the door and back to meet Type Geek around 8:15. Not too bad! Now, Type Geek has been rather shy with me. Interested, I have presumed, but shy. Not very physically aggressive. Granted, I haven’t been fully falling at his feet, but I have been leaving him openings. On our last date, I finally kissed him. I then told him that he didn’t need to wait for me to kiss him next time. He promised he wouldn’t. So, I was curious what would happen this evening.

He popped the wine and began making some snacks for us. We sat and chatted at the kitchen table, drinking wine, listening to music, occasionally googling something that came up in conversation…but never discussing the movie. I touched his arm or back or chest or head…several times, no moves. Sigh. Ok. FINE. Hours ticked by. We scrolled his iTunes library and laughed at some of the old school tunes he had, like stuff from Anthrax, whom I loved as a teenager. I’m standing 5 inches away from him. Is he just interested in me as a friend? If so, that’s fine… but what is going on here? At 1:5o am, roughly 5.5 hours since he picked me up at the train, I consider that all hope is lost. I resign myself to this. We joke about his unmanly amounts of shoes and he tells me of a pair that are so ghastly, his friends ridiculed him the only 2 times he wore them, so now, they live in the closet. I asked to see them and he retreated to the bedroom closet to find them. A minute goes by and I followed after. I climbed onto the bed and started petting his cat while he dug out the shoes. When they appeared, I agreed with the response of his friends. Just then, his cat runs off. I stay sprawled out on the bed. I am tired and the bed is really cozy… there is not incentive to leave. We keep chatting and then he begins picking cat hair off my shirt. In my mind I think, yeah, friends. He is picking cat hair off my shirt…not kissing me and here I am laying on his bed. 5 minutes of cat hair picking and he finally decides to kiss me. Bravo Type Geek!

He doesn’t stop at kissing me though… and I decide to go with it. He’s a really nice guy and a great kisser so I decide to ignore the physical road blocks I do have and just enjoy whatever is going to happen. Is he shooting for 2nd or 3rd base tonight? Within a half hour, I am mostly nude. Within an hour, I am singing the praises of all the great things he can do with his mouth and within an hour and a half… I am having sex again. Whoa. nothing for 6 months and then….2 men in 4 days?! EEEK! Ok, feeling a LITTLE trashy, but I will get over it. Especially since McBratty Lawyer is NOT getting anymore sex from me. The sun is coming up when we finish and we sleep for a few hours. His cat wakes me up by burrowing into the back of my thighs and overheating me from the sheer amount of warmth coming off its furry little body. Half awake but sleepy, I shuffle away from the cat and cozied into Type Geek’s chest, absent-mindedly petting his bare skin with my free hand as I laid there. Eventually the petting became mutual, and less absent-minded. After 2 hours of lazy but intense foreplay we went for a 2nd go around. Sunday morning sex truly is great, not having to get up and be anywhere, laying in bed naked for hours afterwards… what a relaxing way to spend a morning. We finally gave in and got out of bed. I needed to get home to my pooch and we both desperately needed some coffee so we got dressed, ran to the Whole Foods, grabbed some coffee and then he gave me a ride home before venturing out for his afternoon bike ride with friends.

I honestly did not think that Type Geek would come through last night. I especially did NOT think he would venture towards sex, since we hadn’t even had a hot and heavy frustrating make out session yet. Above both of those however, I had never considered that HE would be so good in bed or that I would go to bed with him since there were a couple things I was on the fence about with him. Well, damn, if you can push my buttons and get me to curl up in a ball and laugh out loud, you have done a fine job. Type Geek had me laughing my ass off. He done good.

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