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Posts Tagged ‘FIFA’

“Then indecision brings its own delays,
And days are lost lamenting o’er lost days.
Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute;
What you can do, or dream you can, begin it;
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”

-Goethe.

Is it indecision that I am feeling lately? A little insecurity, that I do recognize. It isn’t that I am questioning whether I am attractive or if the boys like me. I know I am and that they do, yet I have days like every other woman (or man for that matter) and occasionally I just need a little something more.

I need to NOT know about the woman from work that Cooper Fiennes is exchanging flirtation with. I have no rational rights to claiming him as my own. I don’t own him, but I desire him and his company much more than I ever thought I would, so it makes sharing him difficult at best. Certain days, I need him to myself. This woman gets him for weekend trips, nights out dancing, things I want to do with him. How do I ask this? May I?

I need to feel that my time is considered valuable and that I am desired. When Type Geek rain-checks and cancels and reschedule(s) enough times in a month to make my calendar look like an abstract, post modernist art piece, you know it is out of hand.When I get dropped off at home after a day of day tripping around beach towns, rather that brought back for sex… even if it was morning sex, then I feel a little less than desired. I’m not asking for a marathon here. 20 minutes? Maybe? I know I am attractive, but having someone desire you feels great. It is great. Having someone cancel dinner plans twice, because they are hanging out with their platonic colleague who they may or may not desire, mmmm, well, makes you feel less than desireable at times.

I am so easy-going and allowable. I try to allow each of them their rights to be present as is truthful for them. However, perhaps I am being too casual. Perhaps I do need to act more like a woman who is interested in a hot Spaniard. I’m not a push over, but is my zen attitude places nails on my coffin?

So, why can’t I just make some sort of move here? What delicate balance am I worried about disturbing? This current scenario is only partially working for me currently. So, what is my answer. If only Goethe was better with having a strong definitive.  Perhaps I cannot expect that because, afterall Germany did come in 3rd in the World Cup. Even Paul the Octopus chose a more passionate country to root for.

Maybe that is the dilemma. Passion. It has been so many years since I truly felt passion that I am unable to control the passion I do have now.

I need a writer/philosopher with some better guidance. Perhaps Dali, the painter had it right. Maybe all of this stuff makes us feel like melting clocks on a harsh landscape.  All I really want is to be naked in bed with Cooper Fiennes at this exact moment. That, for today, is all I want.

Tuesday Posts are web syndicated by http://www.thenewgay.net Check them out for awesome queer coverage!

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I was meeting up with my ex girlfriend, the screenwriter, today for coffee when Cooper Fiennes texted me asking if I wanted to meet up and watch the Brazil-Chile match. Curious for them to meet each other, I told him to join us at my favorite cafe. She had heard about him and he, likewise. About 20 minutes later he walked in and she stumbled over herself for the first moments. She has deep-seated insecurities which makes meeting new people incredibly awkward for her.  He excused himself for the restroom and she was able to express her “oh my god”s and “holy shit”s regarding her impression of him. Once he arrived back at the table she was able to relax and speak comfortably with him.

Prior to C.F. , Screenwriter Girl had the best body of anyone I had been with. Unfortunately, her reasons behind the pristine physique were resulting from serious childhood sexual abuse trauma. A need to feel physically strong, since she is an emotional cripple. I care about her, but how do I say this? I was NEVER in love with her. She needed too much rescuing and I was already lost.  C.F.actually commented later on this. He said that there was something in her eyes that showed her traumas to the world. Even after she has gained physical strength, she has been unable to feel safe and heal. Her body is not a tool for fun and sport, as it is with C.F., this is their difference. Cooper Fiennes relishes sport of all types for how alive it makes him feel. The more his body aches, the more he pushes and challenges himself, the more alive and vibrant he feels. It’s incredibly sexy. Screenwriter Girl is trapped in her body, Cooper Fiennes uses his as an instrument of freedom.

I realized that the match had begun nearly twenty minutes prior and we really needed to get out the door and find a pub close by with food and the game. It was destined to be a good game, both teams are historically strong players with great coaches, so it could go either way. We left the cafe and said cheers to Screenwriter Girl and headed down the street. The Irish pub around the corner had air conditioning (THANK GOD!) and we found a seat right below the flat screen. 0-0 with a half hour in. We ordered some ciders, some food, and settled in. He pulled my stool closer to his and proceeded to act like a 14-year-old boy the entire match. You know, the “I poke you cause I like you” game? I love that he actually explains certain aspects of the game to me, things such as why there is a difference in the calls made by the English refs versus Spanish refs, what constitutes a yellow card or a foul, etc. He does it without my asking. While I have always liked International Football, I have watched it without knowing much about the game besides the obvious: ball goes into net equals goal. Dating C.F. has MANY benefits, apparently!!!

Brazil squashed Chile 3-0. It was a great game, but Chile could have played stronger. Not wanting to brave the heat, which was still nearly 35 degrees celsius/ 94 degrees farenheit , we had the waitress switch on Wimbledon for twenty minutes. Roddick had his ass handed to him by Yen-Hsun Lu and Capriati was rushed to the hospital for an accidental overdose. Between Capriati’s issues and Aggasi having been a meth user, who knew that Tennis could be so full of illicit behaviors?! It always seemed more refined some how. I guess when Tiger has a harem, Agassi smokes the pipe and Capriati abuses prescription pills, there is no such thing as refined sports anymore. Public figures are public figures and they all are susceptible to demons that fame can bring.

We wandered out, immediately wilted in the heat and decided to grab some ice cream for the stroll back to the train station. On the way he poked me no less than 30 times, and we stopped in 5 stores with air conditioning just to cool off for a few moments. We grabbed one more iced tea at Starbucks and sat chatting before parting ways on the street.

Meanwhile, I have been starting my period all day and annoyed that I couldn’t get a piece of ass if I begged. I’ve decided that hard to get is my new alter ego. If either of these boys want booty, they gotta work for it and jump through hoops, cause I’m not gonna be so easy anymore, damn it. Sigh, even if it means that I end up so sexually frustrated that I develop carpal tunnel from masturbating.

Tuesday posts are web syndicated by www.thenewgay.net  Check them out for awesome queer news and culture!

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