Posts Tagged ‘dbag’

Seriously though, I get chatted up by someone who asks how I am doing, someone whom I have never met because he lives in another state and refuses to put pictures of himself on his profile. Let me first say this, if you are doing internet dating, get over yourself and include some fucking photos. If I won’t buy produce I can’t fondle first, I won’t date you if I can’t see you first. If you have an issue with that, join a dating site for the blind!

Now, as I was saying… he asked how I have been, I explained that I had just been dropped by someone who I was casually seeing who, a couple weeks prior, I was realizing that perhaps I was beginning to fall in love with, however, I didn’t say the “L” word to this person, I merely stated that I was realizing that I cared a bit more than casual. This man then wanted to bad mouth my Spaniard. Ok, step back. He didn’t do anything wrong. He was respectful, he was honest, he was apologetic and he cares about me very much, which is why he wasn’t a dick, plus he is just a genuinely AWESOME person. Cynics back off, these people exist, perhaps only in Spain, but they do exist.

I informed this guy on OkCupid that I intended to be friends with Cooper Fiennes and he felt that was impossible. I inquired as to why and he felt that you can’t be intimate with someone and then be friends. He continued by saying that C.F. would gush about his new love to me, I replied that he isn’t like that and that he was accepting and understanding as I set out my requests, which were that I have no contact with C.F. and the girl in question when they are together, or her in general, at least for the mean time, that it would be too difficult for me as I needed time to put my emotions at rest and heal the wound. That because she had something I cherished, him, I just needed a buffer time. OkC DBag then says, quite matter of factly, that I like CF way too much to be friends. If I need time to rest any emotions, it’s too much. Who is this guy? Any REAL connection creates intense feelings, which, like boiling water, will need time to cool once removed from the heat source. I’m still in that weird barely simmering point, after all, we were in a rolling boil weeks ago fucking in a rental car on the waterfront. My knee wound hasn’t healed yet, why should my heart in two days?! Jesus Christ Dbag. Anyway, my response was, I’m not an obsessed stalker, I care about him and think he’s an amazing person, I would like to remain friends with him after he moves back to Spain. I continued on that he wasn’t a dick the way he ended things and that regardless, things were going to end in January, except they would have ended on a much more fun, far more sexually charged woo hoo way, rather than my tears because he started to fall in love with his co-worker. OkC then said the thing that made me sign out immediately… “See, you are just too into him, that’s why you are trying to rationalize it all to me.” Umm, hey DBag, no, I was answering your questions. I then told him I was ending the conversation because he had his own definite opinions and I wasn’t going to have a  pointless debate with him over an intense and wonderful emotional connection I have and had with an intense and wonderful man. He tried to have a response, however my account was signing out as his screen popped up. Sayonara DBag. It’s been two fucking days since I had someone I cared about telling me that they needed to stop seeing me because they are falling in love with their friend. Umm, I’m not hanging out at coffee shops near his work for fucks sake. Armchair relationship guru’s who are cynics AND single… should take a look in the mirror before making recommendations or analysis of the health or normality of another individual’s interpersonal relationships .

Tips for life….

  1. Don’t get your hair cut/ colored by someone who has bad hair.
  2. If your nutritionist/dietician is overweight… get a new one.
  3. If all of your architect friends tell you to buy in an up and coming neighborhood…don’t , UNLESS they are actually buying too.
  4. If you can’t pronounce the science experiment, a.k.a ingredients , in what you want to drink or eat…  don’t put it in your mouth.
  5. If your shrink sees a shrink, who sees a shrink… get the number for the shrink’s shrink’s shrink, Don’t go to the one that is completely FUCKED.
  6. Don’t date a shrink…for so many reasons
  7. Don’t take dating and love advice from cynical, misanthropic, perpetually single, afraid to expose themselves and be vulnerable (no photo?!!), armchair DBags.
  8. Don’t take dating advice from me… I’m a lesbian who started dating men…I know that women are crazy (we are) and men are daft (you are). I know not much else. Oh wait…. umm… the meaning of life consists of stockings, jewish cock, good music and great food!

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There are so many douche bags on these internet dating sites. Tonight there was one instant messaged me and said, “Hey Sexy Baby”. The kicker being, the dbag is 22. I am almost 13 years older than him. I had sex before he knew how to read. Click, Hide, Block, Buhbye

On one of the sites I belong to, I have had an onslaught of older men approaching me. On one of the others, a myriad of boys in their young 20’s. When I told one that  “I don’t DO guys in their twenties”,  (I know, I wasn’t listening to it as I typed it. I meant it like… I don’t do black coffee, I don’t do mornings, etc)  of course he responded that “if you change your mind, I sure would like to do you”. Oh my GAWD. Another youngster, 23 years old, tells me that he would like me “to be his older experience”. No thank you. A 25-year-old boy from England tried to chat me up by telling me that “a) age is just a number and b)that’s what planes are for. Where there is a will, there is a way.” Supposedly, he had decided that I was the older experience he wanted to do and was willing to deal with visas and security lines to get to me. I’m good, but I am NOT that good.

I am tired. I spent 5 hours staring at the different sites, trying to get inspiration for tonight’s post when I was feeling completely frustrated by the lack of interesting men out there. I understand that interesting is highly subjective, however, honestly, they were NOT interesting. But then as I troll the sites, the nasties see I am online and start coming out of the woodwork as if I am a fish with a paper cut swimming through their nasty shark infested waters. They can smell my blood through that little paper cut and want to pounce. Luckily, my new laptop is perfectly designed for quick manuevers out of undesirable IM chat discussions. And click and hide and block and gone. It’s becoming a dance move almost.

Did I mention how incredibly tired I am? Tomorrow is going to be a triple shot day. My ass is numb from sitting on my yet refinished couch and I am just staring off blindly as I see chat windows blinking in my periphery. 25-year-old law school student who likes the naughty librarian look. 32-year-old straight edged punker with full sleeves, and back. That is interesting. I look very mild now, almost conventional. I blend in. Interesting that he would see past that and still say hello.

I am signing off. I am going to bed. I am going to snuggle with my puppy while all the 20 something and 50 something sharks swim through the waters of the virtual dating world as I sleep safely tucked in and away from them and their wish to put their testicles all over me. You know, like an octopus. Yes, tentacles, big difference. Except to some of these boys, not much.

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