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Posts Tagged ‘break ups’

Mojo is finicky. It comes when it wants to, without warning or cause. It leaves just as suddenly. In the last 5 days I have had people comment on how something looks different, a cloud looks lifted, an energy that was reinvigorated. Everyone is waiting for the other shoe to drop. I understand. A colleague of mine made a half joke that she reads the blog in order to see what my mood will be when she sees me, so that she can decide how to be the friend I need that day. She has trepidations, at best, about Type Geek and what transpired last week. I remain cautiously optimistic, yet realistic. I have not heard from him yet, however I had stated early after the incident that I suspected I wouldn’t hear from him until Monday, at the earliest. With his brother’s health struggles and current family drama including a great-niece who is due to be born any day, I assumed that his weekend would be spent with his family in the suburbs. Meanwhile, my taste buds are alive again. Tuesday night woke them up and suddenly I found that I once again had my muse, albeit temporarily. In the last 24 hours, I crafted the bits and pieces of what became the most inspired meal of mine to date. A latin inspired rare steak with layers of heat that made my mouth dance a merengue from the trio of chiles. In the end, I am not sure what is going to happen, but until there are answers, there is food.

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So, I am wondering about all of your dates that could have been potentially dangerous. Scenarios in which the men, or women, weren’t what they said. Either they were married, had criminal records, didn’t want to take no for an answer, etc. You can all answer anonymously, but I am curious because Type Geek is intent on calling me nuts and psychotic for running background checks.  Not financial histories mind you, just basic name, age and criminal record. The more friends and colleagues I run this by, the more women tell me horror stories and men are on the fence. The men say that they would feel violated, however, if you are telling the truth, where is the violation? If you aren’t, shouldn’t the woman feel violated? Type Geek’s response stinks of the old “blame the victim” game. 

So, please readers, I’m interested in your horror stories. By sharing, you may enlighten many people’s eyes out there.

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My birthday is in a few days, and I am feeling far from celebratory. I felt like I was walking into 35 with much possibility, however, in the last 12 months I have lost 2 businesses, a condo, and a love that was unexpected. I’m walking into the new year in pain, with a visible limp. The weekend was supposed to be spent curled up, naked flesh against naked flesh, my nose in his neck, many hours of sleep,  many hours of making love, and the occasional moment of clothed dining. Instead, I have no plans.

The most solid option for doing something is a trip to NYC, which due to the marital and parental status of the majority of my NYC friends, means a stay with my Internet Skype artist guy. Now, don’t get me wrong, he has become a solid friend over the last year, we have surpassed our sex Skypes with conversation Skypes. He sent me a Valentine’s Day mix cd to help me get over my painful split and has offered more understanding than many of my other friends. So, what is the dilemma here? Sex. I’m still very much in love with Type Geek and Skype boy knows this. We spoke honestly about his expectations and assumptions and he said that he understands where I am.

So, where am I? Do I fuck him because Type Geek and I hadn’t had sex in so long and I do need to get laid? Who is that fair to? Is that what I really need, casual sex? Will that make me feel better?

Speaking of feeling better, I have a session with a new therapist next Monday. I’m looking forward to having someone I can vent to on a bi-weekly basis. Perhaps then, I will stop venting here.

I hope everyone out there is doing well. My thoughts are with you all.

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