Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Dating Site IM'ing’ Category

An IM buddy of mine told me tonight that I am a trifecta. I laughed and asked what he meant. He replied that it was because I have a tendency to make men nervous, hungry and horny. He said that it wasn’t just my ability to create such reactions in men, but my ability to create them simultaneously. Quite often he leaves our chats feeling a strange combination of all three I was informed. Should I be tickled by this information? It is one of the most amusing compliments I have received in a while. However, considering that he is 26, getting looked at by an attractive woman is potentially enough to send him into a tizzy. BUT, the fact that I can make a 6 course gourmet meal while scantily clad and maintaining an intelligent politically tinged conversation makes me a little different from most of the women he meets. 

Tomorrow… potential overnight date with Future Lawyer. We want to do a low-key dinner and movie at his place (also known as the dorm, ahem, cough, ha ha ha. I have NEVER made out at a dorm!) and there are several obstacles. Parking is non-existent, public transportation ends early, and taxi’s hate coming to my neighborhood. He then spoke up and said that he had assumed I might stay over and hoped it wasn’t being too presumptuous. I then mentioned that my dog cannot be left alone for that long at which point he told me to bring her! Can he have a dog in his room? Even as a Resident Advisor? I am feeling a bit insecure about this though. It isn’t about him or how attracted I am to him. It’s about the fact that my next waxing appointment isn’t until the 10th! This means I have far more body hair below the waist than I normally like. I also ate far too much macaroni and cheese tonight so I am currently feeling far more like a pudgy Sasquatch than a sexy brazilian waxed trifecta. Sigh.

Read Full Post »

I woke up with a score of things on my to-do list but realized that I desperately wanted brunch. I haven’t had brunch in months, perhaps even a year. So, I am trolling around and looking for someone to have brunch with, when he pops up on line. Now, the amusing and uh oh moment comes when I realize  AFTER I asked him if he wants to have brunch with me, that I don’t know which guy this is. I panic. I am looking through all the dating sites I use for an email that correlates to his screen name on googlechat. AACK. I have no idea. He calls me when he is 15 minutes from my door and I am hoping he says his name when I answer the phone. No, he doesn’t. I’m scrolling through our googlechat history for some clue. NOTHING. Panic sets in, what if he is someone who I was just talking to out of boredom? What if he is fat and unattractive? Please, just be nice and not smell bad. “It’s only brunch,” I say to myself.

When he arrives I make several notes, nice dependable car, good height, of average build, handsome in an interestingly average but not kind of way. He has a Heath Ledger facial thing. Not a Heath exact appearance but more of a similarity that could put him in the family tree. Relieved. I still didn’t recognize him from any of the profiles yet and was slightly panicked and embarrassed. What if he mentions something and I can’t place him and end up looking like an asshole?

We made our way into the restaurant and as we were sitting down, he mentioned his 6-year-old son. OF COURSE!!! This is the dad who I yelled at for not putting any really clear photos of his face but he did have an adorable one of his son, which made me think that there was no way he could be that bad, with a son that cute. Phew! With that, it all came back. Umm, except his name!!! Ooops! So, we had great conversation throughout brunch. He exhibits an immediate sense of comfort and familiarity that makes you feel at ease and as if you have known him a very long time. Accident prone as a child, he always landed with his face, and provided me a detailed history of his childhood through the various scars. He felt like an old friend, without feeling too friend-like. At bill time I pulled out my card because this WASN’T a date. It was a total spontaneous googlechat invite so that I would have someone to hang out with as I ate my egg covered poutine. Mmmmm, poutine. Only, he wouldn’t let me pay. At all. Ha. So, he took control of the situation and defined it as a date with his actions. Good job Heath’s Cousin!

After we left we decided to walk around a bit and get some fresh air. We walked a couple miles and stopped in a small Tibetan shop that is going out of business. I bought a woodblock for my wall and an antique necklace that was originally $239 but that the owner gave to me for $30. How amazing is that? We talked with the owner of the shop about The Dalai Lama, whom the shop owner has met several times and of course admires greatly.

We were only a black from my favorite café, so I directed us that way for a decaf hot cup of goodness for me and a chai for him, which I discreetly and quickly picked up the tab for as a thank you for brunch. Coffee I can afford. Sushi, not really. My favorite employees were off today and the kids that were working were a combination of hung over and generally exhausted, yet they still could muster the enthusiasm to chat me up a bit and humor me when I asked them,”What up, yo?”. Coming from a mid thirties uber femme white gal who looks far more conventional than she truly is, perhaps is worth a dog eared head tilt.

Heath’s Cousin and I walked back to the car and continued our great conversation on a range of topics and managed to somehow miss our turn early on, causing us a 20 minute delay in getting me home. Perhaps this was his intention, but honestly, I think he’s just a bit directionally challenged. We finally found our way to my condo and sat outside in the car and talked for about 10 more minutes. As I was getting ready to say goodbye, he told me he had something for me. I reacted with a mild dog eared head tilt myself. Apparently, when in the Tibetan store, he bought me a ring with Tibetan symbols on it. He guessed it would probably be too large but he meant it as a gesture of thanks for such a nice afternoon. Honestly, the sweetest guy I have gone out with yet.

Sexual chemistry? Too early to tell. I also have my little crushes on the blueberry soda loving, wanted to be a fireman when he grew up Musician/Writer/Assoc. Prod guy and the Future Lawyer who I almost got arrested for committing indecent acts with in a closed mall. There are also some other men in the pipeline…. so, who knows. This exploration is a day by day adventure and today it ended on a note of sweetness.

Read Full Post »

Okay, okay. I walked into my favorite coffee shop, nodded at my favorite barista and wave to Mr Pro Photo. He stands up to greet me and…damn, is he short. Super short. Like, my height short. Initial reaction is hmm, not very dynamic in person. In a way, he reminds me of one of the 7 dwarfs,perhaps more of a mix of both Bashful and Sleepy. Something about his face and the way he carries himself. He isn’t a sexy creature. He seems nice, he seems kind, he seems vaguely boring.

Apparently, he is also vaguely non chivalrous. I bought my coffee, my sushi, and my hot chocolate. When I reached for my wallet and he didn’t even suggest that he pay for my dinner on the date he asked me out on, I was a little annoyed. I wasn’t expecting it, but I would have liked him to at least have made the offer. It makes a girl feel wanted on a first date, pursued, as if she is worthy of the investment of a dinner.

We had good conversation at dinner though, and at coffee, but I wasn’t feeling physical chemistry. I wasn’t feeling desired by him at all.He would make comments, about my fingers, about how sexy I looked with his hat on, but his words felt like they could have come out of the mouth of one of my gay boy friends. Great, he thinks I look sexy and I should “WORK IT, GIRL”. 

After dinner, we walked around a bit and decided on hitting the big box book store around the corner because, quite frankly, it was freezing out. After an hour and a half of wasting time making fun of some books, checking out Tashen’s collection of inappropriate photo books, the Suicide Girls collection, and finally, a Would You Rather of Sex/Dating. It was amusing and I could feel him staring at me a few times in that yearnful way, BUT he SHOWED no interest.

I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt though, to see if he could turn it around and make it feel like a DATE, rather than two pals hanging out. We walked a bit more after leaving the bookstore and I laughed when I received a photo text message from Jewish Internet Webcam Sex Master. He thought it proper to send me a photo of his hard cock in his jeans. How can I NOT be appreciative when he tells me he is thinking of me and sends such delightful gifts? I laughed hysterically and brushed it off when Mr Pro Photo asked what I was laughing at. I explained that it would be too difficult to give the long back story. He nodded and didn’t ask further. Again, it was freezing and so we decided to get hot chocolate at the café near our respective modes of public transportation. Again, he didn’t even offer to pick up the hot chocolate. Now, I do not NEED someone to take care of me BUT c’mon, it’s a first date! Also, you have heard tonight that my business is suffering in the recession and my condo lost over a third of its value. You can’t buy me a hot chocolate?

I might hang out again as friends, but on a date? Not unless he starts acting like he wants to date me. Show that you are invested in getting to know me… in some way. I came home and snuggled on the couch with my pooch while texting back and forth with my Future Lawyer about our next make out session and IM chatting with the Dental Student about our days. Overall, a pleasant end to a mediocre day.

Read Full Post »

These dating sites use an algorithmic approach to matching its members. Sometimes it works, some what. Other times it thinks I should date the 5’7 fattie with horseshoe pattern baldness and a desk job at a tech company in some suburban office park. Whooot! Yup, that’s my match alright! Well, last night it matched me with this man who has eyes the color of Australia’s famed Coral Coast and a face full of angles and bones and absolute brilliance. He’s 200 miles away I noticed, so the algorithm failed BUT, I decided that if I could do it for a year with my exfiancé, I could do it for a man whose eyes burn through you.

So, I  IM’d him. For those of you unfamiliar with internet lingo terms, that is Instant Messaged. There was a ten minute delay in his response, I assumed the distance was a turnoff. When he did respond we easily fell into a friendly rapport, that shifted once I asked his first name. I found his name peculiar, so I googled it in hopes of finding a cultural lineage association. When that search turned up nothing, I added his city, NOT ever thinking the first site that wouldappear would be his website. Suddenly I was intimately familiar in a painfully voyeuristic sense, with many aspects of his person, including his cock. Which, upon seeing, might I add, I suddenly clicked back to his profile and looked at his face and sighed. I then asked him, after remembering what he said in his profile, if he is culturally Jewish. He stated he was an atheist and I didn’t assume by his facial features, I didn’t see it UNTIL I saw the picture of his cock. Then I knew. I should just assume that if I find them attractive… probably got some Jew in there somewhere. My track record is Ashkenazic, I do NOT know why. I don’t go forSephardic or the Egyptian or African Jew, it must be Eastern European. Some people are Anglophiles, apparently I am a Judaiophile. What are ya’ gonna do? Sit around and kvetch about it or find some nice Jew schlong? Excellent choice.

I think I need to clarify WHY he has explicit photos of himself posted on-line. Aside from being an exhibitionist (SCORE!) and a voyeur (SCORE x 2!) he is also an established mixed media artist. He works in interactive visual realms such as video, and performance, as well as, creating through painting, writing, and photography. Hence, the nudity with such robust sociocultural statements attached.

Because I had now seen him in his full glory, I felt as if I was being unfair if I didn’t send over some pics of myself.  An eye for an eye, a tit for a cock? So, we began some in-depth chatting of our particular sexual proclivities and predilections. His proclamation of ALWAYS being a top is quite exciting actually. Now, how to get him a few hours closer?

Eventually all things must cum to an end, so we switched to Skype. I brushed my hair as I hadn’t yet taken off my winter hat and was sporting the worst hair EVER and changed out of my grandma sweater. This video call was NOT about me doing anything except watching. (clap clap clap) So, I watched. Oy vey, did I ever. We signed off so we could both get some work done, that we had happily avoided for hours, however I was not incredibly turned on and wanting my own personal happy moment.  I wrote out a fairly descriptive scenario to get my mind working, emailed it to him so I could think of him getting excited reading it, and set sail for my own little journey.

This morning I received an email from him explaining how, between our conversation, the webcam voyeur /exhibitionist play, my pics and my story, he had masturbated no less than 4 times… in under 9 hours. He slept for 6 of those. I felt very proud of myself. I still do. Of course we know that the chances of hot virtual sex ever being nearly that good in person are rare. I am definitely interested in getting to know this one a bit more though. I told him that I would be interested in actually spending time with him, in addition to shtuping him. He seemed to agree, but the afterglow of 4 orgasms might have him confused and easily agreeable.

Now, after a canceled date with a turk, which I will explain next post, and too many shots of espresso, the aggravation of two playful mice that are running around my kitchen and NOT getting caught by either my dog or my traps, and finally, a really hot shower, I am going to go to bed.

Ciao.

Update: I received an email letting me know that in under 24 hours the total number rose to 5.  Almost 6, but he “didn’t have the time to fully commit to it.” I like someone who shows passion and commitment to the things that are really important , don’t you?

Read Full Post »

This one has me stunned. I didn’t know there was a kinky polyamorous Hasidic culture brewing among the twenty somethings in Brooklyn. Plus, the one who IM’s me tonight, he is also a libertarian. He wanted to chat more with me, as he felt an affair with me would tempt him to covet the very things I love, which he is not allowed, such as Bacon Milk Chocolate bars from Vosges, but he was running late for shul! Leave it to me, the trip hop loving, former vegetarian and in flux lesbian, now lover of MOST things meaty, to corrupt a Hasid.

Some former landlords of mine were members of the Brooklyn Hasidim. They were afraid of my dog and always refused to shake my hand. The rent was fantastic though and I could host large parties on a Friday night without concern for unscheduled landlord visits. I may have a fond deep appreciation of the Jewish meat but I prefer mine without beards and peyos (the curled sideburns). While perhaps the very length of their hair could lead to some kinky things involving their wrists tied to their heads, I cannot entertain serious consideration of a sexual nature. As for doing naughty dirty things with those said landlords, no thank you. I’d rather fuck Barbra Streisand in Yentl.

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts

%d bloggers like this: