A month ago, I found out some unsavory stuff about bf’s online activities. Paying for camgirl shows crosses the line for me, even if it doesn’t for him in relationships, so after days of tears and freakouts and not eating, we had a discussion. I said I didn’t want to be one of many – he said he understood.
The days pass. I try to be comfortable but every time we’re apart and not having a great time together, a little knot starts twisting up in my stomach. I can push it aside most of the time, but it lingers. I get paranoid, easily spooked. He reassures me. Yesterday I happenstance upon some other unsavory information – having chats, requesting pictures, being invited by a woman in another city to meet. He claims he only liked the attention, liked the feeling of being wanted, didn’t understand it any other way and couldn’t explain why he made such a stupid mistake.
Me in the bedroom, him in the other room – 2 full days so far of being so close but not together. It’s been the longest we’ve been in the same place without touching, and I’m afraid to pack up and leave.
Any stories of love really. Anything going on in people’s lives now.
I am so terribly sorry for what you are going through at the moment. Internet stuff is hard, it’s a gray line for some, a stark b&w situation for others.Then there is the male ego, which I never realized that even in the healthiest of men, is pretty delicate, let alone that of someone like Type Geek, who has some significant diagnosed ego issues.
Love is complicated, hard work, and messy. Why do we do it? In the end it offers the richest rewards; connection, existential symmetry, and quiet mind.
If you wouldn’t mind my asking, how did you happenstance upon the information?
The first time, I admittedly looked at his email. He handed me his iphone with his gmail open, and there were some unusual receipts at the top of the inbox. I didn’t think much of it because he gave me the phone with it open, which is why I looked in the first place. But it did really suck to have to tell him that I read his email.
The second time, I got a message from the (one of?) woman he was chatting with.
The thing about ego and relationships – you have to let go a lot of it to make a relationship really work.
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