I waited on two couples who were dining together on Sunday evening, a mother and father with their younger daughter and her husband. Amongst the many inappropriate things mom said during this two-hour meal were that she disliked her other daughter while this one was her favorite and that this present favorite daughter could pick up the tab because she made more than everyone else at the table… combined. This daughter blushed uncomfortably and looked ready to crawl under the table. Regardless of the humiliation, the two ladies actually seemed to quite adore each other. We deal with our loved one’s quirky flaws, right? As an aside, the younger woman and I spoke a bit about what she did, a consulting job that required her “selling my soul for”, and how her husband was the most patient man in the world. The younger couple was one I found interesting though, because perhaps I am hideously vain, but I am not significantly overweight and because of this, I can’t imagine being with someone who is. As a youth I was. Then I made the decision when I became a teenager to no longer follow in the heavy footsteps of the rest of my family, and I lost it. This isn’t to say that a) some people aren’t attracted to heavy partners or that b) some people truly can’t see past the physical and see the inside of a person. What I am saying is this, while I am sure her husband was a wonderfully sweet guy, he lucked out on the hottie package.
This makes me wonder though. How often do people settle in relationships because their current life scenario isn’t perfect and their partner accepts it and rides it out in a way that someone else might not? Maybe work/life balance tends to fall more on the work end of the scale? Long weeks, unexpected trips, canceled dinners and rearranged lives. How often are people with individuals that love them dearly, but aren’t necessarily what they themselves consider to be in their league, so to speak,all because they don’t have the time and energy to find said “better” person or step up and give what might be required in a different relationship? By being patient, justifying and loving, do these other halves make it easier for their “more successful” counterpart to neglect them and the relationship? Am I one of those other halves? Are you?
I’d say that is a good point. Mostly rhetorical questions but If you been through a lot and know what your looking for and want its possibly beyond looks because honey beauty fades. (although I’m not sayin it doesn’t hurt) but as for myself, I am considered as a young adult. I have come to the place in life where I just don’t want just anyone that comes my way nor am I desperately seeking a significant other yesterday. I notice this pattern and I’m not willing to compromise my standards that may seem high maintenance but truthfully I rather be alone then end up with a jerk just because I’m lonely. Another note its sad enough that people do settle and end up miserable because of this lack of energy or giving up mentality. But then again I’m no phd in relationships seeing that I am single…this is just plain observation and trying to learn from others downfalls.
The reality is that we all settle somehow. We realize that nothing can be the perfect fairytale which we designed in our mind. Also, settling doesn’t always equate to misery. I settle and compromise many things in my situation with Type Geek, but what I personally won’t sacrifice is love. I love him unlike anyone I have known, deeply and from a place that is so sure of itself, it could almost guarantee that I could walk the ocean’s surface if he and I were seperated and it was the only way for me to be with him. That is how sure my heart of hearts feels. Now, I could be with someone that gives me more, tells me how much they care, on a frequent basis, is far more considerate, blah blah blah, but at the end of the day, I didn’t feel connected, or I can look at life and how messy it is and be thankful that I have this type of connection with someone and be thankful that I get to feel that way, even if it isnt every waking hour. For me, he is my quality over quantity. I can’t answer for him what I am. I have my realistic ideas, but I try not to think about that.
As for looks and them fading… yes and no. You need to be physically attracted to your lover. It’s a fact. For me, I have certain things that are my no goes. Sure, you can find yourself more attracted to someone as time goes on, but you need an initial attraction. I thought Type Geek was cute when I met him, now I think he’s one of the sexiest men I have met.