In 7 days, I have spoken to him for 6 seconds. He had traveled away to the cold ass wintry mix of Jackson Hole, Wyoming for nearly 5 days and lost his phone at the airport on his way to frolic with the elks and the huskies. His return flight brought him in after the TSA office was long closed and the next two days had him working in the office out of town, therefore he hadn’t been able to get his phone until this evening. Then, while I finished a riveting conversation about Monsanto and the wide and insidious reach of it’s all-consuming fingers into our homes, our stomachs, and our government, with the other table at the Pho restaurant, and was paying my check, he rang. I quietly answered and asked him if I could call him right back. He said of course, yet didn’t answer when I did. Perhaps he fell asleep on the couch, but I called back only 12 minutes later.
Do I miss him, because I love him?
Do I love him, because I miss him?
After a long nap, and a text message from me telling him to enjoy his brunch with his family and that I was sorry we missed each other, I ate the remainder of my cold duck salad and watched Love and Other Disasters on Netflix. At one point Brittany Murphy’s character Jacks is having a conversation with her best friend and flatmate Simon in which he asks her the age-old question:
“Who can honestly say they will always love you?” asks Simon
“Whitney Houston.” replies Jacks, very matter of factly.
“Yeah, when she’s high on crack.” retorts Simon.
Perhaps we can give Simon the point on that one.
Later on she says… “Love isn’t always a lightening bolt… maybe sometimes it is just a choice.”
“Maybe true love is a decision. A decision to take a chance with somebody. To give to somebody without worrying whether they will give anything back or whether they are going to hurt you or if they really are the one. Maybe love isn’t something that happens to you, maybe it’s something you have to choose.”
RIP Brittany Murphy. Thank you for my evening lesson… that, as Simon says at the end, ” True love is a process, not an event.”