I haven’t posted in a while. Admit it, you all have missed me. My neurotic missteps and manic quandary filled ramblings have entertained and appalled you equally over the last 11 months. Recently my big drama is figuring out what this Type Geek drama is all about. Just when I am sure I am going to have the conversation with him, his friend’s wife passes away, ok, talk about bad timing. Funerals are not the places for conversations about the direction of our relationship. Then he gets called away for business, another date gets canceled. In a fit of desperation to say it all out loud, even if just to the ether…I wrote him a card and mailed it quickly. Dropping it in the big blue postal box and exhaling as I closed the door. No going back right?
Well, I get better. During a night of texting while I worked, he voiced non committal ambivelance to a potential date for the coming weekend. I finally came out and told him, via text, that I am a pussy who can’t say out loud what I could write in that card. That what I said was sincere. Perhaps I am a blind fool but that I would rather put myself before him now than later have regrets over the wonderings, the maybes. Now, realizing that perhaps he hadn’t received the card yet, I followed with another text stating that, ” & incase the card is in with your mail at home and you haven’t read it yet, I told you that I am in love with you and asked that you try and give me a chance.” His response, within minutes, “OH!I haven’t gotten any card. Will look tonight and read thoroughly.” Needless to say, I assumed I wouldn’t hear from him for days. Boy, was I wrong.
He texted me that evening to tell me about his after meeting business entertaining, about the upcoming travel, and just about his day. I knew he hadn’t gone home yet, so he hadn’t read the card yet. When he arrived home, he let me know that it wasn’t there yet. The next day we text in the evening about his meeting and an unintentionally intentional client coup that resulted in a multi million dollar contract win on a job they hadn’t been bidding for and that hadn’t existed prior to his placing the bug in the clients ears. We rambled back and forth a bit and then he asked if I was available Saturday night, that his plans changed. I told him that I could be, with a twist of the arm. So, we made plans to have me make plans. I cautiously proceeded, assuming that there was a high probability of cancellation on his part. Only, he didn’t cancel. He was a half hour late though. I can accept that.
I had gotten a quick manicure earlier in the day, and searched for red tights for my black and white ruched Ann Taylor dress and knee-high Camper boots. I was shooting for sexy, without blatant. I wanted confident and beautiful and pulled together. This was going to be an important date, the first and potentially last date, after proclaiming that I was in love with him, via text. I made him pick me up at my house. I wanted to see if he would. Usually we opt to meet at his place or at a venue, but I wanted to see if he would go a little outside our usual routine, and happily, he did. The plan was to be all mine, so I took him for cuban food and then drinks at a local bistrot. Something different. At the end of the evening I kissed him and he was shocked because I used tongue, his immediate response was, ” omg, no tongue in public, we are in public.” I laughed and made fun of him. It wasn’t that I started molesting his taste buds with my tongue, it was light and subtle, but enough to surprise him a little. He then asked if I was coming back to his place, as he didn’t want to assume. I always go back to his house so this question was perplexing to me. I answered that I would love to, if he wished it. So, back to his place we went. We had an intensely hot “snuggle” session that never turned into actual sex, but was a fucking hot time. I was on my period so we opted to not have sex.
The next morning we slept in, then stayed in despite being awake. I made coffee and we laid there cuddling, chatting, and dozing off. I then got him off and we fell back asleep for a bit. I then woke up and was really turned on so I got myself off, only to wake him about 3 minutes before I came, because I needed some assistance. He said it was an interesting experience to wake up by having your hand placed on your lovers breast as they are masturbating against you. I told him he should be flattered that he turns me on that much. Our conversation in bed covered many topics, from the dating site, to our exes, our families, and work. He was the most communicative he has been in months. He truly felt like he was there, fully present. I liked it a lot.
After I showered, he jumped in behind me, I proceeded to figure out breakfast and decided to let the cat play in the hallway, like he often does. When I opened the door of his apartment to the common hallway, there it was, mocking me, looking up and challenging me… the card. Apparently the neighbors had it mixed in their mail. So, I brought it in and placed it on his credenza. Looking at it, I realized that it contained my future. I exhaled and walked away, casually mentioning it as he joined me for spinach and adobo soaked chipotle omelets served on green tomato jam brushed toast. The coffee, the conversation, it all flowed easily. I spent the entire day in his robe, my knee socks barely warming my cold feet from the rainy autumn air.
At a point in the early evening he realized he had a therapy appointment that he was late for, I offered to make us my infamous 5 pepper chili while he was gone and he responded by dressing me in a sweater and scarf of his so that I would be warm enough for the walk. Over the next hour I shopped, chopped and arranged. I picked up a bouquet of flowers for the table, and had the house smelling of roasted chilies, garlic and smoked alderwood. He returned with kisses and ear to ear grins. I wondered if I was talked about. I tried not to think about it.
The chili was perfect, the conversation, the hard cider, the dinner, it was all perfect. After dinner he asked that I curl up on the couch and watch a show with him for a bit before he drove me home. We fell asleep after the show and woke at nearly 1, groggily, begrudgingly pulling my stuff together for the drive to my place. I wanted to stay but no one had let out my dog since earlier in the day, she needed me home. The drive home was interesting, I was trying to converse with him in my head, bring up the topic, the card, the text, anything. Finally, parked outside my condo, I said, “Listen, I need to bring up the elephant in the room. What I said. The card, which terrifies me. What I am trying to say, is that, I just don’t want to be that girl from OkCupid anymore.” and then, the corniest line ever, which made him laugh,” I don’t want to be a garnish, I want to be an ingredient.” Jesus christ, was that bad or what. I shrunk down and wanted to cry. I asked that he not laugh at me, he said he was laughing with, that it was cute. He said he would read the card the next day and we would talk about it later.
It is the next day, we haven’t talked about it yet, but he had meetings all day and I worked. I’m tense and exhausted, but I am trying to think of this, I told him I loved him BEFORE he asked me out, before opted to spend nearly 30 hours with me, before he refused to get out of bed because he wanted to snuggle. He went into the weekend knowing that I had said it. This must be a good sign, right?