It has to happen this weekend, the talk I mean. I can’t float in this indecision, this muckety muck of wondering what he is thinking and whether he is JUST an idiot or maybe a bit of an actual asshole. Ok, so the asshole part, where does that come from. Why am I suddenly a wee angry at the fellow? Well, we had to cancel another date, which I talked about in my last post. I felt like he was meh about the effect on me. Ok, I know that I have said repeatedly that I understand his work and how sometimes it is gonna come in the way of plans. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t love some acknowledgement that it sucks for me that I’m suddenly sitting here dateless when I was looking forward to seeing him. That I have to make arrangements now with my schedule in order to see him and that sometimes it is inconvenient, but I don’t complain, because seeing him, even if just for a snuggle, is a huge pay off. I am complaining at this moment though because ARRRGH … ok, let me breathe here a moment and then I’ll explain. Inhale Exhale Inhale…hold…EXXXXHAAAAALE. Sigh.
I met with a friend for coffee today who had recently been through a messy break up. After chatting for an hour, she decides that she really wants to try online dating after hearing all about my stories. (Shouldn’t I be a cautionary tale, not a success story?) Anyway, SO, I help her set up an OkCupid profile. I make it cute, but not too cute, fun and approachable. We find two pics on her Facebook we can use and voila, Fini. Except, she wants a tour of how the site works and stuff. So, because I [insert BIG NEWS fireworks here] disabled my own account a few days ago because I was trying to trust in forward momentum and letting nature be nature and my own truth, being that I really care about this idiot of a man, blah blah, well, because of that, I couldn’t show her how to navigate the site on mine. We logged back into hers and I made her anonymous and took her on a tour. I showed her how to search for and im, wink, etc. How to navigate through their profiles. Basically, how to successfully use the site. At the end, as I was about to sign out, she asked to see Type Geek’s profile. She had only seen two pics of him that I have on my phone, so she was curious. Understandable. Also, his pics are cute and make me smile, so why not. No harm, I have seen the stupid profile. We go to his page and I notice he updated his pic to one taken the other day. Ok, whatever. Then she, of course, wants to look over his entire profile. This is what hurt my feelings and made me angry… a new photo in his photo section. A photo I took on a day trip up the coast. Under it, the nickname I gave it. Damn it, that is MY memory. NOT something for you to use to get yourself pussy. I’m kinda pissed. Am I allowed to feel upset by this? I’m feeling a lot of grrrrrr and aaargh and ugh at the moment.
What do I say to him? DO I say anything to him?