Since my last post there have been three schedules and cancellations of the surprise party that will never be. There have also been two nights of great sex, rainbow tights, warm duck salad and steak frites, afternoon dark and stormies while walking a trade show, and young male painters creating art in tandem.
I confessed the planning of, and continued failing, of a congratulatory party for his recent promotion. I was frustrated that it once again was canceled, so I decided to just admit that I had spent the month trying, but alas, it may never happen. He laughed at my inability to get his best friend nailed down to a place and time. Smiling, he said, “Now you know what I go through. Now, you understand.” I responded with a smirk and grabbed his ass.
Have I mentioned, in the past, how great his ass is? Really? Do you know how you see the chubby arms and legs of babies and you want to chew on them? He has the perfect round tush, an ass I envy. Now, not a woman’s ass mind you, just a solidly perky pair of cheeks that I am so madly, badly infatuated with. I have been with men and women, that had better bodies, but I have never been so attached to a lover’s body, objectified it, as I do Type Geek’s perfectly munchable tush. Type Geek and I are average people, average bodies, imperfect skin, grey hairs, my untoned 35 year old thighs squeezed into “one size fits all” rainbow thigh high socks… but swimming in all this imperfection of averagality, I feel the sexiest. With him, in an embrace, in a heated moment, or the moments watching him sleep, I feel the scars diminish, the grey hairs fade, the added pounds and untoned flesh tighten and fade into the ether as I get lost in the warm safe blanket of trust I feel with him.
I was feeling stressed with my current situation and admitted it to him this evening when he texted me after he awoke from his nap. We were discussing my poor character judgement and how I find myself often taken advantage of, which is why I would like to avoid living with roommates. I mentioned that I had found it bizarre, finding him, and that I have now finally given up on the idea of that other shoe falling as his craziness is pretty transparent. He laughed and said that he would take it as a compliment, and I agreed that he should. I then went further to explain that he is awesome and that I appreciate that, Is he quirky? complicated? Hells yeah, BUT, he is a very good person, and I quite enjoy him, more so the longer I know him. There was a pause in his response and then a text stating that he knows he is fringe material, to which I raised a question mark. Left of center, as Suzanne Vega sang. Ah, yes, but we both are. I told him that in design, I find the center orientation to be boring, and much more prefer the side leaning orientations.
In the end, did we discuss the we? No. Did we hint around it? A little. I suggested we take a long drive next weekend. A day trip to the town I was born, a quaint New England town, perfect for an Autumn day trip. We are getting closer to the dialogue. Closer to a year of this blog. Closer to a new world in 2011. Mostly though, as we talk in circles with each other, I find our circles to be getting smaller.
Recently, I was thinking to myself that I missed that he hadn’t called me any cute pet names in a long time. When he dropped me off at home this afternoon, after cute kisses on the sidewalk, he smirked and called me the cutest of pet names, one I won’t share here, one that is just for me. Something private, in this very public world I have created for myself. In the outskirts, in the fringes, on the edge, and off the avenue.