” Yeah, I’ve done freakier shit than you.”
“I’m really experienced.”
“You’d be surprised at what I could teach you.”
Umm, ok. Really. You think so?!
A young boy at work tried to walk the “check out my huge cock” game this afternoon. He tried to impress me and a male colleague with his exploits. I just kept chuckling as he continued with his glowing self review of his talents and varied experiences. Finally he stopped and questioned why I was laughing at him, using the statements above as his main persuasive arguments. I wasn’t sure of his age prior to this conversation, so I asked. When he told me that he is 19, just turned, I nearly spit out my drink and looked straight at him and replied, dead pan,” I have been having sex LONGER than you have been alive.”
Apparently number of years means nothing, as he equates partners with experience, rather than overall acts. So, he is a little boy slut who is overly confident of his abilities and his skill set. When he told me that he has done freakier shit than me, I also laughed. He assumes, as many do, that because I am cute and femme and blonde… that I am little miss vanilla. Dear, oh dear. I looked him straight in the eye and my retort,” Darlin’, I was part of the goth/ fetish scene in the early 90’s”, was met with a simple, yet solid , ” Yup, you win.”
Of course I win. Don’t judge my box by its cover darlin’. I may look sweet now, but you don’t know about my exhibitionist, role-playing, out-door loving, gender bending, fetish and bondage playing self. You don’t even know that I slept with more women than you have or that I started sleeping with said women when you were in 2nd grade. You have an awful lot of catching up to do my friend.
An hour later, he walks up to me and with his hand on my shoulder, states, in all seriousness,” If you ever want to teach someone some things, hit me up.”
I am too old to TEACH anyone anything. I want someone who KNOWS how to rock my world, not someone who needs a tutorial, a gps, a compass and a map.