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Archive for July 26th, 2010

Trolling….

I spent the better part of the evening trolling through the Match and OKCupid sites. It was more boredom and something to stop the mental chatter more than anything. I like Type Geek, I do, but I never get to see him. I guess that I realized, even in a casual thing, I put people high on a priority list and I need that in return, at least right now.  Getting rescheduled those last couple of weeks by Cooper Fiennes because I wasn’t his priority, that stung, getting dumped for a possible replacement, that stung too. I need to know that I am more than just something to fill the time. You can be casual but care about each other, It’s a problem when the caring gets sidestepped and the other person gets stepped on and over in the process. So, Type Geek is a more fly by the seat of his pants non scheduler. Okay, I can accept that, I am someone who resents having plans because I feel suffocated by them, but now, with a new night job, I only have so many evening options available. Not seeing him on one of those nights makes a reschedule difficult, if not impossible. I’m over thinking everything these last couple of weeks. I feel like this topic needs to be expanded on in a future post, so I will just back burner it for now.

Back to the dating sites, did I learn anything new on either of them? Nope, not really, same old. 22 year old boys who want to be my bitch and 48 year olds that get pissed off when I tell them I am not interested, for the 30th time. They feel rejected so they need to insult me. Excellent. Nice one there.

What are YOUR experiences with the dating sites? Are there any out there that I should try?

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A couple of nights ago, while feeling particularly bummed out by the current situation, I open my email to this bullshit:

The Five of Chalices card suggests that an element of suffering could be difficult to handle regardless of your ability to walk away from an unhealthy situation. Denial may be worn like a cloak to hide a fear of intimacy or feelings of vulnerability. Face unresolved issues, loss and emotional baggage. A sobering change, failure or good-bye may be inevitable, but you have reason to be grateful as well as disappointed. Taking a chance and confronting the issue could create an opportunity for reconciliation, commitment, marriage or support that has been waiting in the wings. The situation may actually strengthen the bonds in an existing relationship when a devoted partner or reliable alliance stands by your side throughout the ordeal. When you least expect it, you could find yourself happy again. Trust your heart and open yourself to forgiveness and romance.

Yeah Yeah, fuck you and your lessons tarot.com

Today my Tarot.com was even nicer and to the point…

The Devil card suggests that in an effort to satisfy your own longings, you could inadvertently hurt someone else or bring distress to your love life or relationship. Overcompensating for, or attempting to deny repressed personal issues or hang-ups could be blinding you to the consequences. Seeking instant gratification may not bring you any satisfaction, but may be more of a mask to cover past hurt, fear, guilt, secrets or rejection. Don’t be a victim

Ok, listen Tarot.com , I am not trying to be a victim here. Rather than beat around the esoteric bush… spell it out for me Tarot.com, who, what, where, when and why. Oh, maybe a HOW in there to. I am not dwelling, I am merely sad and trying to process that sadness as best as I can and in as healthy a manner as possible. I even tried to go for a run today. 3 miles. I died a little more than half way through and was laughed at by some pre adolescent kids as my dog had to drag my sorry ass home, sweating and heaving, but nonetheless, I did get out there! Speaking of, it is time to wash the funk off me and get ready to do some real work.

What does everyone have planned for their weeks? I have to work every night, so I may not have any posts until the weekend. Cooper Fiennes goes on his romantic getaway with the friend this weekend, I may opt for drinking Thursday – Sunday in order to get through it. Maybe it is awful and they realize, holy shit, what a mistake. I doubt this, although stranger things have happened.

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