Archive for July 18th, 2010

Veinte poemas de amor y una canción desesperada
Poema 10

Hemos perdido aún este crepúsculo.
Nadie nos vio esta tarde con las manos unidas
mientras la noche azul caía sobre el mundo.
He visto desde mi ventana
la fiesta del poniente en los cerros lejanos.
A veces como una moneda
se encendía un pedazo de sol entre mis manos.
Yo te recordaba con el alma apretada
de esa tristeza que tú me conoces.
Entonces, dónde estabas?
Entre qué genes?
Diciendo qué palabras?
Por qué se me vendrá todo el amor de golpe
cuando me siento triste, y te siento lejana?
Cayó el libro que siempre se toma en el crepúsculo,
y como un perro herido rodó a mis pies mi capa.
Siempre, siempre te alejas en las tardes

hacia donde el crepúsculo corre borrando estatuas.

Pablo Neruda

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They are going to Mexico together for a weekend, Cooper Fiennes and his work colleague. Just the two of them. “What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico”, she told him. Well, what happens in Mexico worries the hell out of me. I KNOW that I told him I was okay with him casually sleeping with her, only, it doesn’t feel like it would be casual. Some of our plans have been canceled lately and then it turns out he was hanging out with the group of them, which includes her. I am starting to feel like that better offer has come along. We used to joke when the other was running a few minutes late that we didn’t get any better offers, that is why we were still there waiting. Sadly, it feels like he doesn’t ask me to do things anymore, or make plans. This last week and a half has been frustrating for me, my realizing that I care more about him than I thought and the realization that he probably cares less. I don’t mean to say he doesn’t care at all about me, but I do feel in my gut that he is falling in love with this woman from work, or at least the idea of her. I can’t do anything about that. I have sat here thinking of how I could fight for him, but really, what is that? What does that get me? In the end, I may not get anything. I don’t think he is on a fence about us, I think emotionally he wants her. I like her, she is cool. I understand the attraction to her person. I may not find her sexy, but I won’t need to sleep with her. Jesus, I don’t know. I guess the lesson here is alcohol is awesome, drink lots and don’t think about Mexico. Sigh.

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