Archive for March 5th, 2010

So why in the fuck did you start to give me a brazilian and upper leg with soft wax and strips? Can you say holy mother of irritated skin, Batman?! Thank god I was not planning on any great seduction for the next few days because I am NOT sexy right now. I am swollen and red and blotchy. I also have a few small bruises on the backs of my thighs and right under my butt, or what would be a butt, if I had one, from the soft wax and the strip pulling instead of ripping clean off.

If this evolution thing is correct, then why do we still have body hair? If we are hairless apes, why can’t we truly be hairless apes, at least from the next down? Anyone want to donate to a fund to get me lasered over my entire body? I don’t want to be that 80-year-old woman at a waxer with my legs spread open getting my business pulled on. I wouldn’t want to be the waxer who would be working on an 80-year-old snatch. There are few things I would rather do for an occupation then wax geriatrics or fatties. That might be a niche market though. Set up shop at the nursing home on Saturdays and right after bingo the elders can scuffle in for a manicure, a facial, a hair setting and their cooch or balls waxed. For some, it’s probably the most action they have had in 10 or 20 years so they would pay a premium. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth with that visual.

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