Archive for December 14th, 2009


The definition of Frugal, in and of itself, is not that bad: According to Dictionary.com, it is ‘economical in use or expenditure; prudently saving or sparing; not wasteful’. That sounds wise, even advisable in the economic climate of post-recession or mid-depression, depending on the opinions and reports you believe. HOWEVER, when a first date refers to himself as “FRUGAL” 4 times in less than an hour, one knows to make a mental note that they will be picking up the check for their own coffee.

On the screen he made sense. He branded himself as quirky, indie, sustainably minded and intelligent even. He built his own sustainable home, drove a prius, worked in a highly creative field and was raising, as a single father, a sweet elderly dog. What wasn’t to like?

Things not to like about Quirky Eco Boy:

  1. The strange tangy,acrid, sour milk smell that emanated from his body. Like fermented newborn baby.
  2. ” I’m FRUGAL“, stated in a sing-song voice no less than 4 times in under 50 minutes.  You own a prius, you can’t buy my java?
  3. 3 most used phrases,”Oh that’s wonderful”, “Isn’t that lovely”, and “oh, goodness”.  OH REALLY?!
  4. Available seats at bar. “I’d rather we sit across from each other so I can look in your eyes when we talk”.  oh, goodness!!!
  5. YES, I understand, you are FRUGAL (5,6 and 7th time said)
  6. “I didn’t have flowers, so I brought you this SPRIG of rosemary. Cause, well, everyone likes rosemary.” A SPRIG? Not even a bunch?!

Upon being asked out the next day for a second date, I replied that I was really just trying out the dating men thing, cause see… I have been exclusively gay for 12 years and I just don’t really think it’s the right thing for me. My partial truth was nicer than the 6 part truth that lay above. His response added a solid number 7 to my list. Self-emasculation.

“Oh, also, strange advice for me to be giving – but I will anyhow. I wouldn’t go writing off your future with men after the whole you/me thing. I’m decidedly non-masculine in the way I tend to carry myself and interact with people. This is the reason that I found your history somewhat amusing when you mentioned it to me. Please do keep in touch – you’re lovely.”

After being exclusively a lesbian for 12 years, I have clear ideas of what I want sexually and romantically in a man. I want someone who is going to passionately push me against a wall and make me feel desired. Not someone who smells like rancid sick baby and may need to cry on my shoulder because the world is… oh goodness, so lovely. And I definetly do not want someone who won’t even buy me a cup of coffee on the first date.

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